Yea!!! Christmas has just pass us now. I truly enjoyed myself yesterday. Really though I couldn't blog yesterday due to connection problem again!! Good thing is that my PC has finally give in to me for it has not been restartin that frequently and continuously! Yippe!! Lets see... I've managed to see everyone except for one, Hamster! Wonder how he's doin currently. I gave a present to Hotaru this mornin but I was afraid she might not like it but it turns out she likes it so much! Lucky. She even intended to get me something but didn't know what to buy. For me... anything will do but I must say I feel rather uneasy when someone is givin me a present or a gift no matter what form it is. In the end, Reece and her agreed on helpin me to achieve my dream avi which is makin feel more uneasy... -_-' but its rude not to accept others gift rite?
I went for a job interview today but... I didn't manage to get it but never fear!! I shall not give in!! I shall try many more times until I succeed! I promise you that!! Hehehehe!! Tomorrow I'll go out and venture. See if I'm able to find one. Good news to Crisis Core fans!! Crisis Core is comin out this March 25 in US ver!! But the bad thing is... its not only subbed but also dubbed as well!! T_T I can cry when I hear Aerith, Zack, Cloud and Sephiroth's (US ver) voices when the official and full preview is release... Guess this is for now. Later I'll drop by again to accompany ya! bye bye!!
Friday, December 21, 2007
I feel so messed up. I don't know how and why but all I know is I'm feeling it somehow... I hate myself the most above all else. Even this I don't know why. Being indecisive is one of them. Why I hate it you may ask? Well, if I can't decide on certain chooses I'm at loose ends and also a sittin duck in some cases. Make a wrong decide and I'll regret it forever. Not doing anything will also result in the emotion of regret too. This will make me a whole lot worse... not doing or proceeding on will make me feel bad. I don't know the outcome and I fear outcomes of an action that I had made. All this will only result in me being indecisive again... How I wish I don't need to make choices in my life...
I hate my mind too... Its not helping me to be better... Only making me worse. Influencing me, changing me, seeing memories that were meant to be buried deep in the heart or burned away by the raging inferno of..., images of false future and others. At times I like to fantasize, a fantasy of having things going the way I it to be but I have to face reality... Some times the roads in life are harsh and painful and one must never really expect things to be running smoothly or good things to happen often. Fun and happy moments doesn't last long for me. I'm not sure bout other people. I admit that I envy people often. Envying them in a good manner. Not jealousy but just envy. Something like I want to have what others have. Not electronic gadgets whatsoever. Really. This items have no meaning whatsoever to me.
Question the heart when one needs to find and make a hard decision... thats what someone dear to me who had long past away said to me several times before... at times I do wish she was still living, sitting beside me. But this is wrong. One mustn't be selfish. One must learn to let go... someone once said this to me this too... The answer that my heart replies at certain times are rather complicated and hard to comply. At times, the answer is what I wanted to hear and see but proceeding with it is whole different story... For example, in my case there are two types of cosplay I can choose from. First is as Visual Kei or as an anime character of my favorite. Lets say my heart chooses Visual Kei, thats fine but the next problem is where to get the costume, am I daring enough and so on and so forth.
My eyes? I'm okay with them though I can see what many can't but I'm alright with it. Its already part of me so what can I do and say? Just accept it with closed arms. There's no use complaining bout it. It will do nothing except tiring oneself. I've spent some time searching for other people with the same curse/ability of mine and much better ones around the world and yes I did managed to find several. Some are in Gaiaonline. Now, don't go around thinking this is a just crap and people in Gaiaonline are just telling lies. If you think so, you're wrong. Such matters are not to be taken lightly and we speak from our past experience. The people whom I talk to for this topic consist of mainly adults so yea... they're trustable sort. Its nice to know that there are others out there in the world like me.
What sort of Visual Kei style am I going for? The goth style and a little bit of cuteness in it. A mix of Angura Kei and Oshare Kei will do. Once in a while Angura Kei then maybe after some time try out Oshare Kei. Accessories? Goth clothes, wrist bands, rings, piercings, face masks and others. The piercing part will be a problem... I can't get that part done. Its a nono for my whole family members and same applies to my friends... But I'm afraid I may get one done in the distant future but I don't think thats possible. Number 1: I don't know where to get it done. Number 2: I cared for someone thus I will never do it. Number 3: Is it painful?
To tell you the truth... I'm beginning to lose faith. Not sure if others understand with what I'm sayin here. I wish someone could just give me a hard punch and a tight slap to bring me back to my senses. Haish... What the hell is wrong with me!!! I miss my friends. I missed the old times. I miss my brothers. I miss my sisters. I want to meet them. I want to chat with them. I want to joke and play with them.
Have you regretted not doing something? I have and still regretting it. Have you regretted doing a stupid mistake? I have and still do. Have you been given a second chance? I don't know... it seems like a second chance but what if I blow this one off also? Be it not doing anything or doing something... Whats the diff... Alamak!! Wrong song at the right time. Must change must change!! *Switch* *switch*
23... what does this number means to me. You still remember that time where I said to split them into two different numbers? Well, here it goes. 2 means two hearts while the 3 means... three people or three different path. The rest is up for you to beat around the bush... Ah hah!! I see a bush!! *smack* *smack* LAME!!! Hehehe...
Is there something that you ever really wanted to possess or try to have a feel of it at least once? Honestly, yes. I do and I finally know what I really need. To be cared, caressed by someone, to be beside the one I really love, holding her in my arms, looking at her beautiful, angelic face and her heavenly wings that awes any who sees her. The love from someone is what I'm looking for and longing for. I had seek to find whose name is carved in my heart but after knowing, I chose to make someone's else life happy. I believe that one day someone more capable with appear in her life that is able to bring smile and joy to her heart... Thats why I let things be as it is. I rather see others happy even if I have to sacrifice or give in in order to help each individual achieve their happiness. The last thing that I ever want her to know is that I still love her deeply but the best is keeping it to one's heart. Ah crap... I'm tearing again... Ehehehe... looks like it flows on its own will... I can't seem to hold it nor stop it. Never mind. Let it flow... just let it flow.
If someone truly loves you and still does even after being played around with or after you broke his/her heart... his/her love for you is special and shouldn't be taken for granted. Cherish that person for this person doesn't come easy. They can be said a rare breed to some. Their love for you isn't a joke nor are they playing around with your heart. They mean it when they say it. This everlasting love is able to make people happy, warm their hearts, understand the meaning of romance and relationship. Thats what I've been told by others whom I've met along the road of friendship and life. I finally managed to get that off my chest... now I feel much better. No more messed up feelings. Sorry if I had caused any unnecessary discomfort or unpleasant time. I'm sorry.
Oh! Look at the time! Its 4.55AM already! Crap!! I need my sleep. guess this is a temporary farewell my friend! See ya later! Sorry for any trouble I may have cause and thanks for taking your time to listen to me. I feel kinda dumb... -_-' hehehe jaana and chao!!
posted at 12:49 AM
Thursday, December 20, 2007
YEA!!! Today's the day has finally come where no one managed to call me a baka!!! Wohoo!! O'm not really that happy though. Something had happen to Hotaru, thats why. She hasn't been online for a few days and she went online yesterday to tell me that the reason was... there was a death in her family... she didn't went online for long and I don't blame her for that... coz I know how she feeling currently though I do not know who had past away... How I wish I could be beside her now, lending my shoulder for her to lean on to, comforting her...
Nothing much happen really... Just got bored at home doing nothing at all... I was supposed to go to Malaysia this morning at 8 but I need to reactivate my passport so I find it rather troublesome so I decided not to go.
Can I ask you something? Ah... well... look at the time... its getting late and you know we both need our rest. Lets save it for a later time shall we? Good nyaa. Nitez. Jaana and chao!
posted at 2:24 AM
Monday, December 17, 2007
Sorry for not being able to blog for quite some time. There's an internet connection problem again yea so I can't do much things. Here's what happen for the past two days:
Dec 15
I went to an EOY Anime@Expo fest for the first time this year. Well, I arrive there extremely early actually so had to wait until it was 10 to enter. I visited the males washroom first near the entrance and was surprised/shocked to see two guys helpin one of their friends to wear his costume properly. When I stepped foot at the 2nd floor quite near to the Conference Hall, Kaile and me got shocked by the amount of people already gathered there before the whole event even started but I was more towards being awkward. Stayed there until 5 something and I took lots of photos but none contains me inside coz I was alone when I was going to take pictures. The most memorable moments when it comes to taking pictures is when I saw a Kamen Rider cosplayer and a picture of one catgirl. I literally chase after that Kamen Rider guy when I spotted him from afar. When I asked for his photo, he didn't said a word but merely usin his actions alone. I was kinda awe by him too! That catgirl part...took me a solid took me 5 hours just to ask for her photo...this is how shy I can get. But whatssup with the other catgirls I tok pictures of? Oh well. Thats one heck of a mystery. And I missed my chance to take photo of Chuan ru and two of her other friends. Aaaawwwww... Never mind! There's always next year! I also took photo of one guy who cosplayed as Ash from Pokemon and he turns out to be Alucard from Tokuasia!! I didn't realise itat first though... hehe -_-'
Went for dinner and so and so forth but I was suffer yet again at the hands of three deadly trio during dinner. Haish... After long time of not seeing each other I still receive such memorable treatment... Ahh... brings back memories... In the bus on the way home was also something not to be forgotten! The confidence we both had when talking bout Ultraman Ace (his transformation was rather wrong inside her head. She got one heck of imagination... hehehe... I still can't forget that confident look on her face before we laughed), the Merlion and so on and so forth. That was the first time me and Chuan got poked by Kel and Lalah. Now she knows how I feel went being tagteamed at and being tricked with confidence by others! Ahahaha!! But... I was punched back... T_T though it doesn't hurt!! AHAHAHA!!! Next year!! I promise you!! I'll go Visual Kei goth style!! AHAHAHA!!! Just kidding.
posted at 7:07 PM
Friday, December 14, 2007
Wah... need to wake up at 6 later on and I'm still down here talkin to you when I'm supposed to go to bed. Don't get me wrong. Hehehe... Ohh. Don't be upset with me. I was just kiddin you know. Went out today for a movie. Long time since I last met with the rest of the group. Missed Lalah a lot and not to mention the others. No words can describe it though if people were to think slanted then they may get me wrong. Hehehe...
While waitin for the movie to start and for Chuan ru to arrive. We went to the arcade first. I played a first-person shooter game with Kel called Silent Hill: The Arcade. I know the name sounds lame but the game isn't. The game was damn shiok! Must be bcoz I like the series a lot but the feelin is different you know. Like for example when you play Silent Hill usin PS2 or controller, you control the character and not his/her shootin accuracy. Although it was my first time playin it I must say my aimin was good, judgin but the huge gap difference between me and Kel. hehehe... Not boastin or anythin. Just sayin.
The movie was great. Had fun while havin dinner outside. Didn't had that kind of laughter for such a long time I must say. I'm feeling rather bad leh suddenly... I don't know what I said but that someone just seem upset with me. haish... I hate myself for this very reason... why can't I... never mind. Jaana... need to sleep already... split between two realms... don't mind me. I'm just talkin nonsense. Gomenasai...hehe... bye bye!! Sleep with guilt...
posted at 1:23 AM
Thursday, December 13, 2007
What FF7: Advent Children Character Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.
posted at 2:49 AM
What D.Gray-man Character Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.
posted at 2:43 AM
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Its still too early to be talkin to you rite now and I bet you must be shock rite? Just kiddin. Its not that I don't want to talk to you its just I may need to sleep slightly earlier tonight. I was supposed to go out today with my family but was left at home for bathin slowly T_T I had everythin ready but when I got out of the bathroom... they aren't there... -_-' this happen often so not to worry so much... hehe...
Christmas is coming but I have yet to buy a present for her. What should I get for her? I don't know and I'm still searchin. A plushie perhaps? I'm clueless!! Oh by the way she wrote a poem! I had read it I and I like very much. Nearly made me teared and its about me... hehe... Seeing me online already made her happy so much, seeing my first message and after readin it, she was overjoyed. Guess her feeling for me is that strong. If I have the time, I'll show you the poem she wrote if you ask me to that is. Hehehehe... I'm so hungry!! I wanna go out!! Jaana!!
posted at 10:25 PM
Wah!! I feel like tearin suddenly now... T_T I don't know why. The number 23 is my favorite number but somehow... at times I don't really like it nowadays. It has a meaning to me. Separate the numbers and you will understand(hopefully nyaa). For example, 23 to 2 and 3. This two numbers has its meaning...
Someone once scolded me when he found out I like two person. But the only thing I told him is not to worry coz I won't go for the second one for she will not like me. But still... somehow, somewhat... I can't forget her. Can't help it though... Havin someone that loves you deeply but livin somewhere far from you and a girl that you like that lives near you... Its confusin for me... Every time I see couples out there I felt happy yet sad and depressed at times coz I'm missin the love of someone... At times I wish she was here... living in Singapore or visitin again rite this very minute. I'm sorry.. It seems that the rain is pourin inside too. I better close the curtains... To tell you the truth, actually, I can't... never mind. I'd rather keep to myself for the time being nyaa... I like her but I won't tell. I rather let her discover it herself. I ain't gonna tell her coz I'm afraid I might lose her... Hehe... somethings never change do they huh? I'm always as indecisive, blur and a total idiot as ever... Wonder where will my destiny takes me to...
Its getting late already nyaa. Sorry. Guess I'll chao now. Jaana...
posted at 2:05 AM
Thursday, December 6, 2007
| Your Heart Is Pink |
In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't.
Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time.
Your flirting style: Coy
Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park
Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant
What you bring to relationships: Romance |
Quite true... Quite true... Especially the dream lover part XP
posted at 9:35 AM
I'm just testing this out...
| You Are a Natural Flirt |
Believe it or not, you're a really effective flirt.
And you're so good, you hardly notice that you're flirting.
Your attitude and confidence make you a natural flirt.
And the fact that you don't know it is just that more attractive! |
posted at 9:30 AM
| You Are "Dizzy and Giddy" |
 |
No wonder I like to use the @_@ to represent headache... hehehehehe...
posted at 9:24 AM
| Your Birthdate: February 23 |
You're not good at any one thing, and that's the problem.
You're good at so much - you never know what to do.
Change is in your blood, and you don't stick to much for long.
You are destined for a life of travel and fun.
Your strength: Your likeability
Your weakness: You never feel satisfied
Your power color: Bright yellow
Your power symbol: Asterisk
Your power month: May |
No wonder I can sing the "Asterisk" song quite well and fast. Hehehehe...
posted at 9:15 AM
| Your Birthdate: February 23 |
People wouldn't take you for a passionate person - and that's where they'd be wrong.
You can develop deep emotions quickly, and you're the type most likely to move in with someone after a few dates.
Number of True Loves You'll Have: 3
Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1
You are most compatible with people born on the 5th, 14th, and 23rd of the month. |
WHAT THE HELL!!! This... this... this thing is almost true!! The no. of true loves I'll have is almost true coz mine is one lesser while no. of times I'll have my heart broken is definitely true. Scary!!
posted at 9:10 AM
| You Are Green Tea Pocky |
Your attitude: natural and zen
Peaceful yet full of life. Deep and thoughtful.
You're halfway to tantric bliss! |
Such pocky flavor exist?! Now I know... Green Tea?! Not much of my favorite though nyaa. Strawberry is the best!!
posted at 9:06 AM
| You Are a Good Friend Because You're Supportive |
You are almost like a life coach for your best friends.
You give them help when they need it... but you also know when to give them a push.
People tend to rely on you for moral support and advice.
You've probably always been mature for your age, so this is a role that's you're comfortable with.
A friend like you is one of the rarest kinds.
You are both a good mentor and companion.
Your friends need you most when: They are confused or worried
You really can't be friends with: Someone who only wants to complain
Your friendship quote: "The only way to have a friend is to be one." |
I'm okay with friends and others who likes to complain to me coz I don't mind listenin to them and help them out.
posted at 8:50 AM
| You Are 12% Evil |
You are good. So good, that you make evil people squirm.
Just remember, you may need to turn to the dark side to get what you want! |
Well this doesn't prove why at time I'm more evil... Ahahahaha!!!
posted at 8:41 AM
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Havin a sore throat rite now... Too much screamin and high volume singin. It hurts a bit but it irritates the most. Got pissed off by mum a few hours back until now thats why I purposely sing so loud. Thats just to show that I'm pissed but she doesn't care a shit bout it. Kuso... Haish... What to do... Just piss her off back is the best thing to do. And its easy. The silent treatment is one of them. Hehehehe...
Today I went out again like usual planing to accompany a friend for a job interview but then it was rainin so had to cancel. Walk all the way to the school bustop and receive a call from someone familiar. Headed down a.s.a.p to the company to carry two packages but along the way the rain was getting heavier. So much for prayin for the rain to drizzle -_-' To make things worst, after I deliver the packages I went back to the bustop that I alighted from and stupidly enough I forgot I was supposed to take any bus on th opposite side. Ended in one unknown place in Boon Lay... Wasted 35 cents for my own stupidity... Then now, I'm damn tired added with my mum's uprising mood... Well at least this isn't my worst day in life yet...
Yea!! She's finally online nyaa!! Hotaru didn't go online for 5 days straight but she sent me a message sayin that she was fine and sorry for makin me worried so much (of course I'm worried. Which guy wouldn't?). But somehow she knew I had thought something must have happen to her. Am I that predictable in terms of thoughts? At least my actions ain't so predictable. Hehehe... It was her computer that was givin her problem. She sure have one hack of a naughty computer!! XP Miss her so much but I had to start to have enough sleep already... She told me too. Must listen to what "my lady" says. At least that makes her happy too :)
posted at 11:59 PM
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
*Phew* Tired sia today. Drive here drive there. Walk here walk there. Meet up with my brothers again today which can be said a good thing but I still miss the guys. But I miss Hotaru and Reece more nyaa... They haven't been online for 4 days now. The last time they didn't go online was 3 days. Now 4 days... Maybe the next one will be 1 whole week... This holiday season seriously killing me slowly. Bit by bit. Inch by inch.
I'm still shocked by what Kaile said to me this afternoon. "This may not happen but I have a feeling you might one day fall for Reece". Thats what he said and I clearly remembered that in my mind and that bothers me a whole damn lot. Usually what he says and predict comes true for him but lets hope its not true... If it is then... It won't happen!! I know it won't. I'm confident of it coz I won't hurt the innocent girl's heart. To me... its already a dream come true to be able to have a Japanese as my girlfriend and I'm happy bout that... though I feel rather not contented at heart. I know why and what I'm missing but I can't get to that yet. Its not like what you think so don't worry.
I was also shocked by an sms I received from someone close today. It shock me until I had to stare at my cellphone for a good ~close to~ two mins. Now I like to do a few things as my current hobby. One is to take either bus or my uncle's lorry (Wah. The wind damn shiok!!), listenin to my music, daydream and hang out with my brothers. Lets just hope she goes online today... anyone of them will do... I got to go. Jaana...
posted at 7:41 PM
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Hello nyaa!! Its been a while huh. Did you miss me? Of course you don't rite? No one will miss me one... I think but you definitely one of them who won't miss me. Sorry sorry... I was just jokin. Don't take it to heart. Alaa... sayang dia (love you). *Tsk tsk tsk tsk tsk* come here kitty kitty kitty... *pat on the head* good boy!! Just kidding.
Yesterday I felt like I was a delivery man. Here's why. I first went to meet with two of my brothers at their own homes and passed them their items back to them that was with me the day before. Really tired after that but had to go to my aunt's house to eat lunch. At 6.05PM we went down to the carpark to wait for a pick-up from my uncle coz he was planning to go to Pasir Ris beach/Park. We wait for 32mins long for them to arrive... luckily we got the patience to do so. Arrive at Pasir Ris at bout 7.48PM and we slacked there, enjoyin the chillin wind.One hilarious scene happen when my aunt and I wanted to sit at the lorry and we both particularly like one spot in the lorry which is at the back row and to either the extreme right or left but my uncle had taken one spot saying, "Since no one is yet inside this vehicle I guess I'll just take the best sit for myself first. First come first serve."
"Oooiii!! Thats my sit!!", replied my aunt and I rush to climb the lorry to save that favorite sit of ours but my aunt saw through my move and she rushes over at the same time and we collided at the back of the lorry. We pushed each other and preventin one from boardin the lorry. We pushed and tried to climb but my aunt used a underhanded method. She knew my weakness and used it to gain the upper hand... T-T But on the way back my mum treat us for dinner.
Well I guess this is it. Got to wait for her to go online. Jaana.
posted at 11:49 PM
