Friday, December 26, 2008

Happy belated christmas!! Hehe... long time long time... wad thing long time? Its been a long time since my last visit. Yesterday I had a lot of fun and moments of grief. I had fun because I was able to meet almost the complete group once again and had fun together includin with baby of course but in did somethin silly that resulted in somethin utterly stupid and most probably unforgivable for a very long time in my life.

This happenextremely too quickly that I can't really see wad I was doin and hear properly wad I was sayin but this does not mean wad I did will be easily forgiven. I was walkin with all of them when suddenly I tripped on a small platform of the cement floor and lost balance and straight after I stepped on my only foot that I was relyin on as a support and unable to move but to fall on my knees and scrapped a layer of skin on my left arm. The damage wasn't big but....wad I'm goin to say next will make all of the readers feel like beatin me up or labellin me a jerk and I don't blame them. Until now I still can't forgive myself for this act of indecency until my baby forgives me with her heart.

After I tripped she came to assist me, to check whether was I alright or bleedin which, thankfully, I wasn't. BUT!! I accidentally brush her hands off me... I BRUSHED AWAY AN ANGELIC TOUCH OF CONCERN AWAY!!! I didn't notice I did that and thats the part that I really cannot afford to forgive a jerk like me easily... further more she asked was I okay and I told her she shouldn't worry so much with the reason because its only a small scratch and she shouldn't worry herself sick to that extend but...but... she got the wrong idea...wads more I added because I'm already old enough and really...this whole part of me sayin I'm old enough makes me really wants to handle a kife a stab it through my arms or stomach right this instant because of the amount of hurt she going through at that point of time and maybe even now!! I'm really an asshole...forgive me for such crude word but really...I deserve such words for wad I did... Wads more she mentioned that I've never hurt her so much until yesterday which makes me hate myself so much... it's just unforgivable....

I wish I could ask her to forgive me but first I have to learn to forgive myself but I can't unless that person allows me too...I really love my angel of the heart. Really I do and intend on lovin only her for the rest of my life and noone else because I really love her the most and only her. She's the only one in my heart. I wish I could heal her wounds even if I have to go on my knees to do that for wad matters most is her happiness and I just don't want to hurt her but I just keep on doin it sometimes...I'm no longer can be a jerk. I have to admit that because now, after wad I've done yesterday...I'm officially an asshole, a bastard too... I'm sorry once again for such words but I can't seem to find the right word for myself now...

I really love her and I will always want her no matter what happens. I don't ever want to lose or do I ever want to part from her. She's my heart, my love, my life, my world and my soul. Without her my life is nothing and I mean it seriously. Losing her means I would have lost the only love of my heart coz for a very long time, I've only like, love and love the most is her and only her. No other can fill in her place when she's gone bcoz I've tried that once and I made a grave mistake and I realised that through the hard way.



Baby, I love you the most and I will always love you. No other will be able to compare to you nor replace you. I cherish you with my life, I love you with my heart and I caress you with my affection of my love and soul. You are the only one I love and I'm most fortunate amongst the luckiest, to have you to care and love me. but most importantly, having you as my girlfriend. I am really fortunate to have you by my side baby. I really do.

~I LOVE YOU~

posted at 1:36 AM