Up till now I am still awake. I'm goin to get some serious scoldin from baby if she discovers this. Better off tellin her later on. At least she wouldn't be so fierce.
You know, I just read somethin from a new manga bout love and romance that I had just finished and it has an interestin fact bout me inside. Well, put it simple it's just what I notice. To most female, (who are, of course, lovin, carin, faithful, joyful. Basically, the ideal feelings and affection that any guy can wish for) a simple word of love and a kiss have a significant meanin to them. a simple word like "I love you" can make their day or ensures them that we love them too.
As for my opinion and view, when I'm in a doubt or feelin sad or depressed, a smile will emerge from my lips as soon as I hear my baby sayin that she misses me. Weird? I disagree if you say so. Such words means a lot to me as it shows how the other person feels for you and views you as. Actually, I don't just smile when I hear that. At times, my heart jumps around (not literally) with overwhelmin joy! To me, a kiss may be use to replace a sayin of love but it's always best goin together. It can go a long way too but please, do it with meanin and reassurance. I feel so loved thinkin bout it! Hehe... a touch of hug is sufficient too! It makes me feel comfortable, protected and assures me that she's beside me, holdin me with carin and love.
I'm not sayin this to embarrass anyone as that is not my intention. If there are some who feels that way, I am sorry. It's alright to once in a while to share. This is one way for me to express my feelings for her when I feel that words aren't just enough to comfort and reassures her. There's a sayin that I am certain that everyone heard of, "actions speaks louder than words."
It doesn't hurt goin a extra mile to make her feel my heart. In my definition, words of love are for the mind, soul and heart while physical expressions of love are best for the physical body and heart that needs pamperin, love and attention.
posted at 8:26 AM
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Hello Zan. I got one really bad news to tell you. I feel bad that I keep on troublin you now and then with problems with little good news to share. Really sorry. Well, here's the really bad news. My favourite Creative earpiece is now spoil... it was just yesterday T_TAt first everythin was ok but towards the 2nd half of the day, the left of the earpiece is no longer producin sound. Tried to fix it by shiftin the wire here and there but after 26mins....both is not producin sounds T_T I know I know...that's what happens if I take charge and be a professional hand repair man. Hehe... masterpiece. It never fails to work. But the good thing now is I'm usin my use to be favourite and it's within workin condition except......it's....kinda dirty though.Guessin how busy others will be, (everyone seems to hav their own schedule), I may be stuck at home for several days. Maybe until Sunday? Perhaps. How bout I ask the usual group out? Nah. Everyone is busy. Lalah has his trainin, baby should be workin, Kel should be out with his friends. basically I think I better off not disturb them for the remainin of this week. I want them to go out with someone else for a change. They ought to miss other people too rite? And just maybe they are a little tired seein me every now and then. So for the time being I'll let them be.I'm still learnin how to control the mind and heart. I'm amazed as to how my uncle and Mi can do it. It's difficult and that I understand as a whole. I can say I'm gettin thee hang of it but at times the feelin ofnegativity can be great but the mind has the ability to think before act so that I don't make mistakes that I will regret later.Talkin bout missin others, I'm missin some of my pals. Seriously. Lalah, Hamster, Chick, Yat, Hailmi, Khai, Es and also my guardian angel of the heart, my baby!But for the time being I'll take it as that everyone is busy. Worry not. I'm not angry or anythin. Before I end, Zan. I want to bring back an old enemy into this story of mine. One that the world once thought had vanish and sealed for eternity. Long forward to it on the next update!
posted at 3:36 AM
Monday, March 23, 2009
I've just owned a cockroach 2 hours ago but for these particular one...it's rather stubborn. I've sprayed it with Shieldtox w/Dettol but it took several minute before it pass out. Up till now it isn't dead yet. See? How strong-willed it is? It even put up a fight. Luck it didn't spread it's wings or flyin around. If it does...my trademark weapon will be use to instant kill it! In other words, usin my IK move. Well that's all for now. Can't seem to sleep yet, again -_-'
posted at 4:48 AM
Sunday, March 22, 2009
I'll be shutdown my comp for a little while. I won't be sleepin also so, for those who are reading this and want to have a chat with me, I don't mind. I won't sound sleepy either!
posted at 8:18 AM
Lookin at the time right now and it's 6.18am already and yet I'm not even sleepy. Not to mention that I have not even yawn at all. Want to say that I have slept in the afternoon is impossible because I was awake and playin game at that point. Talk bout games, I've been playin games from 12 until now and from Left 4 Dead to MapleSea to Silent Hill to Devil May Cry to Left 4 Dead again and lastly MapleSea once again. I just can't sleep yet. I know that this ain't good for my health but hey, I really can't sleep so I am not to be blame.I have to be frank with you. Actually somethin has been botherin me. It is quite recent or more accurate, it's an event that happen just yesterday at 11.02pm. Two days back, I was given a choice to go to my uncle's house and have a sleep over or stay home and go to his house on Sunday, which is today. But I chose to stay home for I wanted to spend time with my love of my heart and it's a request too that I stay home. So I did. Everythin went fine in the mornin. Includin in the afternoon. Even evenin came...the worst was comin. I went out with a brother of mine, Kel, to accompany him for dinner. So I did but we met later than the actual time.We were suppose to meet at 8+ but we ended meetin at the later part of 8+. I was ok with it. We both proceed to the MRT station to top up my EZ-link card (gosh...my face changed a bit from the card compared to me) and after that, we waited for 105. Board and arrive at Jurong East at around 9.15pm. Then we walked towards to IMM and went to Burger King. We ate and chat till when I look at my watch.... it's already 10.52pm. Before that, I actually made a promise to my...(I don't even hav the heart to call her that now...it just makes me cry even when I try to hold back)...baby...that I will be back by 11pm. I could hav told her that I would be late home but NO. The forgetful side of me kicked in, causin me to forget bout the time taken for me to travel and leisure.The moment I saw the time, I quickly reminded Kel bout my curfew but he reassures me that everythin will be ok and that she would understand. I tried to rush him out of the shoppin complex but he got stuck to this arcade game. A puzzle genre. In my mind I was like, "Ack!! Kel! What the hell are you doin!? I'm already late and you can hav the time to play arcade?! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!! I'm dead! I'm dead!!"So I approach him and tell that the time was already 10.58pm and all he could say is, "So how? What now?" In my mind, "couldn't you say anythin better or comfortin?! I'm already dead meat and all you could say is HOW and WHAT NOW?! What the hell is this man!!"I told him that it will be alright and if anythin happens...I'll just take the blame. But hey! Who knows in the end the result was so severe that I couldn't sleep and havin a slight fever right now (Weird? I know). When the clock strikes 11.02pm, ( I even checked my handphone for the time to double check) my Handphone rang. The sweet melody from the song "Honey" by KARA was played and heard by me (and probably be a song of doom for me at that point of time) whereas for Kel... he is lost in his own world. I turned to him and said, "Hey Kel, she's callin me. I hope nothin really bad happens. We aren't late on purpose also." And all he could say was, "Uh... ok ok. Relax ok Naz?"I picked up the phone with fear chokin on my throat for I thought I knew what was comin. The call was from her. The first question that she ask was, "where are you now?" I replied, "Err...(crap...what should I say? The truth or a lie? But I chose to tell the truth) well... I (stammerin from here on) I... er... at IM... I.. IMM."From there onwards, her tone changed... "You know what time is it NOW? You still at IMM? How many times much you repeat the same mistakes?!" Those are some of the sentences that I could bear to remember. Now, not only fear was the once the choked me. Guilt and despair have block my windpipe. I was chokin on my own words. I knew that what I'm goin to say makes no difference be it reasons, jokes, laughs, panic, cuteness. None of this will help and most of it will only result in me to regret and die an idiotic death. Due to my absence of voice for a long while, she hang up on me. I approach Kel with a face that any Human can gues that I was hidin somethin.He asked, "so what happen?" I replied, " well... she hang up. She's too frustrated and angry at me and sayin that I kept on makin mistakes." "Oh. Don't think so much la. Everythin will be ok one later. Just let her cool down first and things will be ok once again."Deep inside, only I know what will happen. Not entirely but I know that somethin worst is comin. When we just stepped onto the Jurong East interchange, my phone rang again but this time...(I'll come back later. This tears are flowin like rain in a gloomy day) (I'm back now-time away:6 mins) it was an sms. I knew from who it will be so I pass to Kel to read it before and tell me from whom it was. My guess was correct. But he didn't read the whole thing just yet. From his tone I knew somethin was amiss. I look at the message and read it careful and more slowly as I read it over and over again for, perhaps...7 times. I just couldn't believe what I just saw. Neither could Kel. Finally he said somethin worth hearin, "she serious ah? I feel very bad leh. Naz..."He hold his words while lookin at my facial expression, an expression that he had never seen before. I almost dropped my phone to the concrete floor. I can't bear to look at the message right now so I'll give you a brief description of what I can remember. She said that I hav put her through rough times. Always making the same mistakes. Making her happy one moment and hurtin her in the other. So because of that, she said that it's really high time for us to part. I thought she was still decidin on it, thinking. But I was askin too much. Later on when I arrived home. I replied her to explain myself. In hopes of not to seek forgiveness but to tell her bout my part and partly to try to make her understand. Even while I was typin a few sms to her, I had this temptation to type her name, the usual name that I address her but I left a "()" to replace that instead because I was afraid I might offend her and I told her bout it but....(I need another time out please be patient while I dry my face) she just smack me right on my face by....(I really hav to hold it back...they comin down like tap water...I'll just continue) sayin that might as well I adress her by her name since we already broke up.At that time, I turned stupid. I forgotten how to breathe, how to speak, how to react. When I came to my senses however, I just broke down. Like a machine that was thrown into a a shockwave of electricty with voltage of 100 000V. Short-circuited and then explode. I teared in silent. I didn't what else to do or say. The perfect world that God has made for me with and angel to care for has now...crumbled. It seems that God loves He's angel more and He sees that I don't fit to be in this perfect world that He had created. But why! WHY!? I did good deeds too!! I did much more good than bad! I do good deeds more often than hurtin her!! I bring her laughter, smiles, joy, love, care, concern, respect, understandin and company! Isn't this enough to make His angel happy? I did not do much wrong... I did hurt her but that is not often... I am a Human! An ordinary person... I didn't... I didn't do much evil to deserve this...WHY!! WHY!! WHY??!!! It is too much if this is a test that God has given me...you know how much she means to me! I'm not angry. I'm just upset! It's overflowing...this sorrow...it's drownin me...I thought He would forgive me bout the previous time...but I guess it is a no... but thank you, God, for havin me to meet such a wonderful person in my life. For me to love, care, express and share. You given me an Angel but I seem to not able to accept it for the time being... or perhaps...never again...I'll express the same to the person I'm in love with and I will not deny it. I want to thank you for those wonderful times we had together. Allowing me to love, care, cherish and respect you. I am sorry for the times that I have hurt you and put you difficult times. Honestly saying, I do want us to be together again but I cannot assure you that I will make mistakes. We all do make mistakes and we have to understand from time to time. We must not only see it as a fault alone. One must sees it on a different angle. The situation the person was in, is it on purpose or just that time doesn't permits it. But I will force you to understand or accept it all. If it is possible, I do my best not to make much mistakes. I'm sorry.I really love you, little angel.Your's sincerely,Naz, baka pig
posted at 6:17 AM
I can't seem to sleep. My right eye still itches. My heart seems to be in a uncomfortable feeling. And now my body temperature is startin to increase. I usually feel this way if I'm in a cold area or when I'm scared or terrified but... my house atmosphere isn't cold. (It's warm actually). Hmm... about the scared part... I think it's because of shock and terrified combined together. The last time I had this kind of thing is when I had to up on stage in Primary 4 to do a Math question about multiples of 4. I ended up with a fever in the end. I just hope I won't get a fever afterwards. I had a sore eye last mornin at 5.32 while playin L4D and now a fever because of a shock and terrified? I wouldn't want that. It will make me feel rathr pathetic to fall ill because of that.What am I petrified over? It's not L4D obviously. I can play L4D in a dark room with earpiece in and I won't even scream because of horror. Silent Hill? Er...nope coz I'm not playin that at this point of time. (The outside area is just too dark. Anythin can come out of there!!). So yup, it's not any of the above games. It's not from a game either. Ah....I just I can get some sleep and recover from the.......shock that scares me and leavin me in disbelieve. I'll update again if anythin happens.
posted at 2:46 AM
A part of my story has just ended. It's a sad tale my friend. A knight that is crowned the name of "deathknight" was defeated by his own stupidity and words. I shall get into that in the near future... if we ever meet again.
posted at 1:43 AM
Monday, March 9, 2009
I've been through all sorts of stuffs in life. Good times and bad times, but it seems like I can't make things right. Always there to anger someone without really knowin what I really did. It could be just by havin myself appearin in front of someone, my face, my reaction, my tone, my words or it could just be as simple as a question, is enough to make someone angry with me. Is there anyone out there who is as stupid as me in this part of life? If there is, please raise up your hand... none? Just as I thought...I am the only person who can be this idiotic. MAke a mess and doesn't know how to clear it up.Life have not be really good in my story yet. One example is when something good happens, there's bound to be a list of bad stuffs just waitin to happen. I'm use to that kind of stuff but one thing that still don't get the hang of it yet is the moment I try to do somethin good and things can just backfire at me and things may gets worst. I've been through that shit many times and trust me, I don't like it one bit!Some find me rather intalkative. Someone who doesn't talk much. So I so my best to talk. Most of the time others find me fun and entertainin to communicate with. Others find me a person whom they can relay their problems with and seek advice. But at times I accidentally piss people off by talkin over somethin that they don't like. I don't talk bout sensitive stuff for I know that isn't right or bout personal issues. Askin too many questions and talkin random also tends to anger others. I understand that but for those who are aroud me aren't usually affected by that. what's makin them behave in such manners? I wonder...And now, things like this are makin me think that talkin isn't really the best option for myself. What do I look forward to in life, you ask? Well.... there's nothing much that I look forward too. I can't be happy either. I'm losing so many and I gain so few. It's a definite that I'm goin to lose my house. My girl? That is somethin rather somplicated. I won't lose her just yet but it's a confirmed thing in her mind. Me? Why do you bother askin? I keep one tellin others to just find thier own happiness never look back at me to see whether am I doin fine...that will just hinder your own progress in life... I have only one purpose of mine in life and that is to guide, help and accompany those who are in need.Even if one day I become like Sephiroth or Byakuya, a person who shows no expression or mercy, I will still feel a touch of pain and guilt. I will always be there to help even if I become like them. I... I will still wait and love that very person that I have cared for the most. Even if I keep a distance from her, I will still watch and care for her. But I shall keep this feelin to myself...I am sorry....
posted at 5:12 PM
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Things are drivin me crazy this days. I don't know why but a little sensitive to this word known as "secretive". It can be a good thing and a bad. That's why it's drivin me nuts for the time being but I'll keep to myself. There's isn't a need to tell others because it's their right to keep somethin as a secret. THe only thing I can do is to remain as calm as possible and be positive. Ponderin on such matters too much can cause me to overact and can harm my mind so it's best for me to remain calm.
posted at 12:07 AM
Monday, March 2, 2009
To those who have been affect by my weirdly behaviour or saying, please forgive me. To the person whom I said that, "you have changed somehow", please forgive me for I was clouded for a while. I admit that I was thinking to much. I have observe the behaviours of every. To see whether the of me seeing them changing was true or not but they are still the same, even my baby, which I am glad. Please everyone, don't change so much in the near future. Looks can but behaviours, character and personality, please don't ever change that.I admit that I was thinking to much.
posted at 8:28 AM
