Thursday, May 21, 2009

Baka!! Baka!! Baka!! Baka!! Baka!! Baka!! Baka!! Baka!! BBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Ahem* That baka thingy is meant for me. Hehe... I'm stupid in many ways! Hello~ I find that every Thursday there's bound to be somethin bad that is goin to happen if I am goin to school. Last week the bus was late by ONE FREAKIN HOUR!! And today that bus had a flat tire when *sigh*... I am nearin my school in like 10+ more stops... And in this 2 events, I will always board the same bus with one particular guy. Technically an acquaintance of mine. I know this guy from Hailmi and I personally call him, big mouth. Talk NON STOP and EATS NON STOP too!! Everyone agrees on this point too even Hailmi who will, every time, be sarcastic or just plain agitated by him. I guess I can understand his situation. Back to the topic, the moment I saw him boardin the bus, the first thing I ever said to myself was, "HIM AGAIN?!" The neighbour behind was starin at me for a little while. I guess I spoke a little loud. Hehe...


2 stops later, the bus broke down just nice when I found the song I wanted to listen to. *Poom!!* That was the only thing that I could hear. If you were beside me at that time, you could have laughed your ass off lookin at my face. After I heard that sound, my idiotic side kicked in. There I was, lookin left and right, searchin for signs of fire. I tot it was an engine blow. Guess I think too much! Hehe...the expression I gave was... I think only Lalah and Kelvin have seen that priceless face of mine. Very classic yet rare. Hehe... I alighted at the Police academy with that idiot and the first sentence that I spoke to him was, "ALAMAK!! You see la! YOu board the bus and not even more than 2 stops the bus broke down! Unlucky la you!" He was like O-O "huh?" "I think every Thursday it's like that". Guess he had a point there. And our journey rescuin bus is a double deck bus numbered 9129 E. The moment I saw that bus my eyes went shinin!! Waaaaa~


I don't know whether I should be sayin this but I have kept a number of things away from all of my friends. Like my health and emotions. People always say it's not good to keep it to oneself and I know bcoz sooner or later, it will just begin to eat you up slowly. And in the worst case scenario, one can become crazy. I shall share some with you all. One thing for sure bout my health is that I'm losin weight and my body is becomin more skinnier. My mum is worried, so does my sis actually. But I just smiled it away and eat as much as I can at home. The other thing is, for this one, only Kelvin noticed. There are times where by he talks to me but he had to repeat quite a number of times until I get hear what he said. He got worried and asked me to go check up and asked also whether have I been listenin music quite loudly and I said no. Full blast yes. He gave me that stern look but he soon calm down. I felt proud to have a brother like him. Though an idiot at times (always givin me problems. When he is late, I'm the one that gets the scoldin. Hehe... good times) he does care. I told him that it doesn't really matter as I have heard quite a lot and enough from the world but then he said this, "you sure you heard enough? You sure you don't want to hear that melodious sound? What happen to you?" At that moment I was like.. bout to cry because he saw right through it but I had to hold back becaause he isn't the type that is used to guys suddenly cry in front of him.


The other time was in class. I was havin practical lesson on Wednesday. I was doin fine the whole day. From home to school. My tone was normal. Mix of cheerfulness and fine tone. Not a single sign that I'm hidin anythin and noone saw that too. Then suddenly a classmate of mine just arrive in class and he was late. He sat down and observed what the class was doin. I was talkin to a few of my class when suddenly I noticed he was observe me for a short while and he asked me this. "You ok Naz?" I was like O_O? "Is somethin botherin you?" My tone just changed straight to those low and manly tone (someone once admired this tone of mine). I said, "how did you know? I wasn't even showin the slightest sign that I was hidin anythin. Just behavin normal like usual." Then he said, "I don't know. I thought of guessin you a bit and who knows I got it right *smiles*" I was like, "You guessed?! But that was accurate." Then from there on it didn't really bothered to act as my best act was discovered. After that then others started to notice. Only Es and Hailmi did. But thats quite good. I don't want others that I'm not close to to surround me and bombard me with questions.


So frankly speakin, I am not doing that well. One month had just pass but I'm still stuck. Hehe... Idiot. Naz Naz... But the only person that understands the reason why is currently Yat but I do not want to burden him further as he has someone in mind too. This is the weird thing. Whenever I help him, I felt happy, excited and motivated. It's like, indirectly, it is tellin me to go on, carry on and don't give up yet. And from what I do know is that Lalah, Yat and Kelvin are supportin me currently. I sincerely grateful to them. There was one time that I went into my depressed state and I said somethin to Kelvin. It was quite recent. I think it was last week. I said somethin to him and he gave me a face of disbelief. The only words that came was like, "what? Why? Why so fast? I thought you were...? huh? hmmm..." Then I replied to his words, "what are you mumblin Kelvin? Is somethin botherin you? Is it what I said?"

He assured me that he was ok but just stunned that I'm sayin things differently. We sat down at KFC and I asked him again when he was eatin. I said, "I think I know what you thinkin. You think that I don't like and care for her right?" He snapped in the reply, "no. It's not that. I'm just shocked that you suddenly say it in a way that you givin up or that you are not prioritising her anymore. From last time until now I thought you always prioritise her first? Why so fast like that?" "Oh... so that was what you were disturb by", I said. "I thought you care for her so much? I thought you like her so much also? Thats why I'm stunned now," Kelvin answered back. "Actually... I'm confused. I tried to hide it, ignored it and even pretend but I ended up makin this feeling become much more stronger. So I said that to, so called, make myself feel that I don't feel that way towards her." Kelvin just replied with a little shout, "stupid la you! Why you go think that way? *Laughs* Hahaha... You ar.. why you like that? No wonder la. Funny sia you!" Shocked, I replied, "I'm talkin serious than you call me funny! Then laugh! Friend like that! Good sia you."


"Of course I'm good! Where can you find a friend that can laugh at a tense moment? I break the tension you know. See? I'm a good friend! You don't believe? I tell you that you will soon laugh with me also. *Tried to make me laugh by laughin some more* stupid sia you Naz! "OI!!" "See See see?! You smilin! Come laa. Laugh with me la. Don't make me laugh alone leh! Evil sia!" Soon after that the whole atmosphere became lighter. Hehe... Thank you guys!! Didn't know you guys will do roughly the same as if we were to be in the same boat. That is to be patient. On a last note, good luck with everythin YAT!! You can do it!! If you believe in me, I believe that you can too!! Just be a little patient~


*Yawn*... my eyes are closin. I would like to thank you to listenin. Thank you everyone!! I will do my best and pray that I can. Goodnight!

posted at 11:31 PM