Good evenin. I'll be sleepin early tonight so hope you are not shocked. But on the other hand... I don't feel like sleepin. It's not really that I don't feel like, it's more like I don't want to sleep because I am afraid of the dreams that I hav been havin for this past 2 weeks or so. The dreams that I am havin aren't nightmares. It's a very wonderful dream but I ended up tearin every mornin directly after I woke up or in the shower. It just flows by itself. It's like, somewhere deep inside, my heart is still beatin a steady beat that is enough of control my tears at will of it's own. This dreams are becomin more frequent and stronger in terms emotional feelin. Why? That's the question I've been askin myself everytime. I know that she is still in my heart but why in dreams? Is it because my heart wants me to feel it in a dream as I can't achieve it in reality or is it tryin to say that there's a meanin in those dreams? Or is it tryin to say that I am not doin anythin at all for somethin to happen or is it tryin to say that I am too stupid? I don't know... I've been keepin this to myself for so long... I wanted to tell to others but I dare not. I wanted to tell her this too but I fear it may be bad so I just keep it to myself. The only one that notice is cheep cheep and my mother. Don't worry, my mom wasn't angry at me at all. She said that I miss her too much and that I wanted to see her so much because of school.