Tuesday, June 30, 2009

My stomach... oh the pain!! *Ahem* I'm havin stomach ache right now due to eating a spoilt food. Hehe... you can blame me for that. I pissed someone off a few minutes before I went to eat and because of the shock (and blamin myself), I forgot that the food that I was bout to eat was a food that my mum bought early in the morning and she told to keep it in the fridge to preserve it but I forgot. The taste? sourish... *shivers* and now the pain is... oooohhh... the pain!! Maybe this is what I deserve for makin someone angry huh? I'll just bear with it... as a form of punishment...


T3T I'm scared... Initially I was pretendin to cry but I ended up cryin for real. Ahehe... I guess I'm weak inside huh? You can call me cry baby if you want coz I knda cry often nowadays and thats scary! Coz my mum notice that at times, I keep callin "Ma" (shortform of mother) when I'm sleepin and she asked why am I callin out to her in my dreams and cryin at the same time. but then I told her that the person that I was runnin after in my dream wasn't my mum but someone else that I know and I am well aware that I kept on calling that person as "Ma" or "mother" at times in my dreams. I still can't forget that puzzled look on my mum's face when I explained to her that she wasn't the mother in my dreams.

She was like, "if I am not in your dreams, then, who could that person be and why you keep calling her "Ma"? Is that person my younger self?" I was like O3O, "NOO!! Why would I dream of you in my dream? I'm not dad! He should be the one dreaming of you. Not me! And err... try not to compliment yourself in some convresation ok Ma?" "Crazy la this boy. If it is not me, then who? Share with Ma". "Well... someone who loves me equally or more than you love me and also, a person that I can love back in many ways more than just family and friends." "O_O? Why like that? How can you call someone like that your mother? You got somethin wrong with your huh Naz? Need Ma to whack you on that head of yours a bit?"


"Err.. no thanks! It's my dream what, so I can't really control it. Sheesh... a bit a bit want to smack." "Since I allow her to smack and do whatever she likes to you, I must take some chance also la so that you won't miss your mother's special smack or a little motherly slap." " O3O' ack!! No thank you!!" Hehe... that's my mum for you. Weird but at times funny. Never fails to demoralise and discourage me. Hehe... And yea, my mum really allows that friend of mine to do whatever she likes to me because at home, I am mischievous so my mum can smack me at home but when I'm outside, noone is there to smack me if I go high so my mum has given to her full authority to smack me. And that's bad but the goo thing is, she doesn't know! AHAHAHA!! But if she does know... *gulp* I'll chao first! Ok la, I'm gettin sleepy here already too. Goodnight to you!

posted at 12:39 AM


Friday, June 26, 2009

Yosh!! Its been quite some time since I last drop by to chat huh? Hehe... Awww... there there~ Don't tear my friend! I miss you too. Just kiddin! Hehe... Well, I got nothin much to talk about (sorry! Hope you are not affected by it. Kiddin again.) Notice any differences? *Points to my face with a smile* can't guess?! Such close friend you are Zan! Hehe.. I'm just too thrilled over what happened yesterday. Hehe... I'll tell you in private later on alright? Cheep cheep? He's not with me right now. He's acting like a fur guardian knight watchin over a kitten princess sleeping. Ain't that cute? Awww....


*points to the post above* (I make no sence huh? Oh well!! Just too happy!) Ah, let's get back on track. I've beat my previous of not sleeping for 3 days! My previous record was 3 days and 2 hours plus plus but this time, it was 3 days and close to half a day! Ya! And I will never, ever do that again! Damn tiring I tell you! Kids, don't try this without professional help alright? Hehe... Been learnin some comedy for those three days too! Hehe!! You should watch this show titled, "Whose line is it anyway?" This show is great man! One thing that I learn from the host and participants is, never be shy to do anythin hilarious! I'm good with that especially with my added in hidden talent package! My idiotic and blur side! It helps. Really! Even now I'm more into words too but still, I won't forget the romantic side of me when it comes to words and poetry. ^3^v

Guess it's all up till here for now. I'll end here. See you soon! Oh! Before I make my leave, I'll like to share two lyrics from two songs of my favourite (duhh! Two songs of coz two lyrics) Here you go! It's "fly me to the moon" by Claire and "FUZZ" by MUCC. Don't worry, they both are kinda of a love song but in different genres.


Fly me to the moon - Claire

Fly me to the moon,

and let me play among the stars.

Let me see what spring is like

on Jupiter and Mars.

In other words, hold my hand!

In other words, darling, kiss me!

Fill my heart with song,

and let me sing forevermore.

You are all I long for,

all I worship and adore.

In other words, please be true!

In other words, I love you!



FUZZ - MUCC

Chiisaku kimi ga kuchi zusamu
chikatetsu no ho-mu itoshikute te wo nigittanda
nee mou ichido utatte okure yo
mujaki ni wawaru kanaria

Okureta deai wo torimodosu you ni
asu e to tsudzuiteiku kyou wo omoide ni kaete ikou ka
wakareta bakari na no ni mou aitai nande junshou deshou?
migite ni kimi ga tarinai

Utsurou wa shunkashuutou
hito no kokoro moyou?

Tokyo coin toss dive
futatsu ni hitotsu no kotae wo kokoro wo
hajikidasu sono mae ni
Tokyo coin toss dive
itoshii koibito yo dakishime sasete kure yo

Itsuka mizu no you ni sora no you ni sumiwatareba ii
yagate mizu wa kumo ni sora wa kaze ni boku wa kimi omou
kanashii kurai ningen de jubun katte (but I listen katsushite)

Seigyo fukanou na kurai koi ni ochite sayonara
deai wo wakare wo nosemawaru kono hoshi
guuzen no saikai ni deaeta nara naosara
hizumidashita kodou

Tokyo coin toss dive
sabitsuita mama no kokoro no tobira wo tatai no wa kimi darou?
Tokyo coin toss dive
itoshii koibito yo koko kara saa, tobikomou

bokutachi wa koi wo shita



English version:

Listening to you sing quietly to yourself i was overhelmed with love
And held your hand while we waited on the subway platform
Why don't you sing that song for me once more
My sweet and happy songbird

This day will turn into tomorrow
So why don't we keep it as a memory
We've only just parted but i already miss you
This time I've fallen deep
You are not with me now

Is it the seasons that change?
Or is it our hearts?

Tokyo, Toss of a coin, Dive
Before my heart works out which one is the answer
Tokyo, Toss of a coin, Dive
Sweetie, let me hold you

There will come a day when it's as clear as the sky
Water turns to cloud, sky turns to wind, and i turn to thoughts of you
I'm so humane it's pitiful, and so selfish too
And then

I fall in love so much i loose all self-control, and it's goodbye
This planet revolves on encounters and separations
An unexpected reunion would be a joy
The heartbeat that was wrung out

Tokyo, Toss of a coin, Dive
It was you who knocked on the rusted doors of my heart, wasn't it?
Tokyo, Toss of a coin, Dive
Sweetie, come to me and dive on in

We've fallen in love

posted at 5:34 AM


Thursday, June 18, 2009








Here... as promised, a few photos of my new baby that has been added to my family. She have a sweet voice but not as sweet as that voice that I heard before from time to time. Meet ATH-M50. For who thought that the baby that I was referrin to is a girl, sorry!! I was actually referring to this headphone of mine. She's a female too. I'll tell you why went I see you guys outside. The reason is kinda dumb. Hehe...


The reason for me to get a pair of headphone is to try somethin new and also, to send a message to those around me that, when I put her on, I'm going to ignore the world and drown my emotions in the sea of songs that I personally shower with.



Hey Zan, have you ever been in a situation whereby you try to help those that you cared for but seem to annoy them instead or be left with a certain feeling of discontent because you didn't give it your best? I have... It seems like I failed again... as a friend, a brother and a.... well... I accidentally pissed Kai off by sharing a few things that are bothering me (and still does), I tried to help Thac's problem. I did try t odo my best but I know I can do better to help him but whatever I advise him seems to point back to me a some point of the conversation so I was stuck for a few times. I also troubled Yat. I'm supposed to congratulate on his success but instead I bothered him with my inner problems. I know he doesn't mind but... feel bad you know.
But now I feel better since I managed to talk to someone over the phone. It's like 4.33AM now? I guess I won't sleep for tonight again. I'm going to stay and watch over the rest. May you all have a wonderful day ahead today. Good morning and goodbye.

posted at 12:41 AM


Monday, June 15, 2009

Hello! I know that this may be kinda a late timing to be posting but I can't sleep. It's like.. 4.31 right now? Hehe... Nothing much to say actually. Just wanted to tell you that I can't sleep and I've been watchin Kamen Rider Decade. I find that series seriously messed up... The story line for the previous rider series are heavily changed. Hmm.... what to do? Just watch lor, since I'm also watchin it for fun. The belt seems to be fun to play with too. Hehe.. Oh ya! I also wanted to tell you that I have someone new in my family already. It's a she~ Hehe... So far only Kaile knows bout it. Lalah saw but he didn't really notice her. I'll post her photo by the next post alright? It's a promise! I'm now curently doing fine, with occassional ups and downs of emotions. Other than that, I'm doing fine, thank you. Hehe.. kinda shy to say this but err... I miss her. Not the her I'm mentioning above hor! It's another her. Confused? Good!! You are supposed to! Hehe!! If not... then... ah! The thought of it scares me! I mean if she were to know I might be dead or she might not like it so yea... hehe... think the deprive of sleep is makin me "hehe..." so much. Gosh! I better drink ice lemon tea seasons to neutralise it! Hehe... byebye!!

posted at 4:30 AM


Saturday, June 13, 2009

Here are some of the photos that I mentioned to some about a unique kind of art. Err... maybe not to some. I don't really know what this is called but me and Kai called it the footprint artwork. The first one looks like a lady with a long hair. The third one looks like a man wearin some kind of kimono kind of top and the wind is blowin his sides as you can see later on. I still can't imagine that it was made by shoe prints. I took this photos at China Square 2nd floor staircase.


The first of the female photo. She is looking towards the right side.


The darker version of it so that you can see more clearly. (Not usin flash)


I personally like this one. It's looks like a male. He too is lookin on the right side. Notice his arm area of clothin? It seems like the wind was blowin to make this effect. Cool huh? I wonder who made this product?



The darker version.



Went out for a while just now to meet Kai to chat for a while. I was back home by 1.24AM. Don't worry, I've told those who would mind me going out late and they were fine with it. I still do follow the 11.30PM curfew hor! Hehe... I feel like going for Streetfest later but... the reason for me to go is kinda dumb though. I'm not attendin the event for the band or the people there so yea. If you were to know my reason to go there, you might laugh at me or even call me dumb. Hehe... but I'd rather see the person elsewhere on that day itself coz I'm not comfortable with Youth Park for personal reasons. I've been through some bad incidents there with my family twice before so yea... I rather see the person after the whole event. But I don't know leh whether should I ask or not. A little scared uh... people shy mah! Hehe... okok.. I'll end here for now. Byebye!!

posted at 1:43 AM


Thursday, June 11, 2009

I don't know what's is going on with myself. One moment I'm doing fine while the next moment I'm so depressed. I'm not angry or anything so that I can say a good thing but feelings so down to the extend it effects my daily activities like eating and sleeping, that can really be troublesome. There is actually only two things that are really bothering me even to this very day. But I shall mention one of it only for various reasons... one of it is bout my house. Someone finally bought this house of mine that I've been living for more than 11 years now. So many fond memories remain in this very house. I can't bear to part ways with it. Thats not the only thing. The date that the person agreed to buy the house was on the 7th. A nice date huh? The day that I am most proud of to have met an angel and now I shall remember it as the day that I lost this house too... damn...

The other thing bout it is also the process of how things are going. I'm leaving in this house for another two months before I have to leave it entirely. I hate it. Knowing that I will be separated with my house but I am still living in this house until the day comes that I have to leave it. It just pains me further as it remains of an except same incident that had happened to me. Why I say it's painful? Just Imagine your 2nd last day living in this house. You are still together with it, looking, touching it, feeling the atmosphere of the house like nothing bad is going to happen. Just like any ordinary day would be but by morning, the house is no longer yours to stay in. It's like the house just forgets bout you that kind but I know that this house does not behave that way. I've got no other to turn to for me to pour out. Most of my brothers have their own schedule and life plus I do not want to disturb anyone with my pointless troubles. I... I... I just can't take it anymore... I growing weaker by the day... what is wrong with me! Where is the Naz that everyone knows so well... where is the strong me? I've lost myself somewhere temporarily... but I know that deep down inside, I am still me. How can be so certain? I still have feelings for others. The same feelings like how I was before I turned emo...

Even at times I wanted to express mysef to that person but I kept on holding back. Uncertain if what I will be doing will turn out good or will it just hurt others. I'm becoming a more straightforward and honest person in school because when my lecturers ask why at times I don't attend class (which is only twice), I just tell them that I am not in the right state of mind and I'm glad that they understood me, in a way. I just want to keep on pouring out to you but I don't want to affect anyone that maybe reading this either... I prefer talking to someone that kind. I've been holding back and keeping things to myself a lot and I get this feelings that because of my stupidity, I'm sufferring or behavin this way due to my own selfish behaviours. But I don't want to trouble anyone any more! But I need to let this out of my chest at times too... ironic isn't it? You see what I meant by I, myself, behaviour in a selfish manner? Not opening up to people or allowing your loved ones understand is an act that I consider selfish for myself. It does not apply to anyone at all. Gomen gomen... I'm sorry everyone... brothers... parents.. sis... I'm really sorry... I'm sorry, Chuanru. I'm really sorry...reallly sory... for those times that I troulbe you guys in anyway. I'm sorry...


I'll let this particular lyrics of a certain song take over while I clear my face of this tears that washes my cheeks and moists it and swells my eyes...


~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~


Akatsuki Yami - MUCC

(English translation - Moonless Dawn)

I wanted to die and close my eyes
Return myself to nothingI wanted to erase my memories and sleep without thought
Cloudy skies and flickering rain

Like yesterday’s weather was a lie
The rain tried to beat it into me:
“Stop reflecting life’s misery”

The wind, if it blows for a moment
How will it change the view as I fall?

Even as I’m confined to this shell, I sink to the depths of the distant seas alone
There’s no point in pleading with my sorrow

I’ll be saved by your smiling face
Even though my heart is locked away in a cocoon, I venture deep into the darkened misty forest

The threads of grief an unraveling tangle
I attempt to withstand the moonless dawn and care for the warmth left in my hands
Someday I’ll float a sasabune** down a little streamCan I ever return to that place?

I murmured to the rain“
Things will be better tomorrow”


Romanji:

shinitakute me wo tojita
boku no subete mu ni kaeshi
kioku kara kietai to nemurezu kangaeteita

kumorizora ame chiratsuite
kinou no tenki, uso no you.
"ikiru kutsuu mo niteru na" to, ame ni utarete mita

kaze, hitotabi fukeba
utsurou keshiki dou korobu?

fukaku zekkai no soko e to shizumi hitori kara ni komoredo
urei wa muda to satosu sono egao ni sukuwareru

fukaku oboromori yami e to susumi kokoro mayu ni tozasedo
nageki no ito mure wo hodoki

akatsuki no yami tatazumite kono te ni nokorishi nukumori ni tou
itsuka seseragi ni sasabune ukabe
ano basho e kaeremasu ka?

ame ni, tsubuyaita
"ashita, tenki ni nare"


~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~


Gerbera - MUCC

I'm someone who puts his deepest thoughts into poems
To just spit out everything without thinking
would make the music around in vain

The words don't come with a real image,
I'm free
Beautified and published
They're turning to lies quite easily

I'm waiting for the spring.
The red Gerbera,
Being in love,
Crickets

Soap bubbles bursting
into a thousand poems
I'm singing,
Letting my heart
Sound - for you

Call Out! Sing about
this deep love!
Let our life quake with your singing,
Enma cricket

I want to give the words of my heart to you,
Obsessively, now

This poem is bursting soap bubbles
Being carried by the breeze.
About anger as well love
and the words are not beautified.

Cry out! Sing about
this deep love!
I'm letting our life quake
with singing, this night, for you.



Romanji:

Omoi wa oku fukaku
Uta ni komeru mono
Muyamini hakidaseba
Tada no otoni kudaru

Kotobawa jisuzou wo
Motazu jiyuuna mono
Kazaritate kakagereba
Tayasuku uso ni kawaru

Haru wo matsu
Akai gaaberani
Koi wo shita
Koorogi

Shabon ni hajiketa
Ikusen no uta wo
Kokoro kakinarashi utau
Anata no tameni

Sakebeyo Utaeyo
Sono fukaki ai wo
Inochi furuwasete utau
Enma koorogiyo

Kuruoshii...shinzo-ono kotoba
Kimi ni ima okurou

Uta wa shabonni hajiketa
Kazega honkondeku
Iradachinimo nita aito
Kazaranu kotoba

Sakebeyo Utaeyo
Kono fukaki aiwo
Inochi furuwasete utau
Konya...kimi no tame ni

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

Credits: (for lyrics)

http://artists.letssingit.com/mucc-lyrics-gerbera-english-translations-vhll2hj (Gerbera)
http://mizerable-grey.livejournal.com/10374.html (Akatsuki Yami)

posted at 12:22 AM


Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Went out to meet my saviours for a little while. My saviours are Kai and Kel. Met up with them for a short while with hopes that by talkin to them, my mind will be at ease but it just seem to not help much. I'm still feeling low... I've tried listenin to songs, go out and talk to my brothers and even eatin (but sadly, I couldn't finish my food but I force myself to and just now I threw up). Nothin seems to work for long. It's like there's somethin stuck in my mind but it just refuses to move and chokes up everythin like a drain being cloak up with stuffs. Preventin water from flowin. Maybe, it wasn't my two brothers that I wanted to talk to or meet. It's just a maybe.

I can forsee that for the test later on, I will fail terribly. I actually forgot everythin... wonderful!! Now I am left with askin around before the class starts. I can't sleep either and my eyes are like swellin a little because of cryin a little too much. I guess I've worried my mum. hehe... hardly see her caring side. But worry not, she'll be fine. It's just that she's worried over my eatin habits coz I'm not eatin right. Been skippin a few meals. Nothin much. haish...I'll stop here for now... If for those who can't sleep either and wants my company, don't hesitate to message or miscall me. Technically, I'm the one who is afraid... to contact others, especially... her...

posted at 1:55 AM


Monday, June 8, 2009

I feel weak now... weak as in emotionally and perhaps mentally. Like a insignificant being... a being of no importance at all... that's how I'm feeling right now. Been crying for quite some time now but it is still flowing. I thought but tearin it will help ease me but it doesn't seem that way... I'm totally down... depressed... scared... of what... I don't know.. or maybe I do know... perhaps I'm in denial... I don't know... I'm so alone right now... noone at home... got noone to talk to... I want company... but... I'm afraid to voice out... I feel so helpless now.. I don't even know what's goin on or what's wrong... I want to go out but not in this condition...I'm hungry but no appetite.. need to study but I can't focus.. I may end up soakin it instead... So many.. many things in my mind... so many things happened yesterday... a day of mmory... of loneliness... a day that I can mark the lost of my house too... damn... I had enough of losin those that I care for... I don't want to lose anymore... I can't take it!!! help... somebody... anybody... I'm begginn... save me pllease.. save me from this... help me...

posted at 8:59 PM


Been tryin to study now but it seems I just can't focus at all... damn... and I really need to revise for tomorrow's test but nothin is being absorb into my brain... did try to open the book and read though... the only thing that I kept on seeing is "close this book" and the title also mention this "a book that must not be open". Haish... I really need to revise... Just got noone to talk to I guess plus I don't want to trouble anyone with my stuffs so yea... let's just see who will be my saviour...


PLEASE CONCENTRATE NAZ!!! (wil continue later...)

posted at 8:20 PM


Monday, June 1, 2009

Yosh, friend. It's bout 4 minutes more to 3 and I am still not sleepin yet. Can say that I can't sleep yet at the moment. Been thinkin bout a bunch of stuffs. Rangin from those school to Kamen Rider Henshin Belts. Hehe... Yea, I've been thinkin of gettin one for a very long time now so if I have the money, I'll get one if I can find those that I want. Let's see... I want a Kabuto zector, Den-O belt and maybe a Blade one too but I'm thinkin of completin a Den-O belt set but the price is like... 500+ in total? Not to mention that they are hard to find now. Why I want to get it? Just for fun. Bringin it along with me anywhere I go and just play with it. Henshin!! Cast off!! Hehe...

Went out with Yat yesterday to accompany him shoppin for some clothes. Walkedaround here and there. Went to Suntec, Peni and Chinatown area. Man!! It's been quite some time since I last been to those figurine shops that I was sooooo excited that I walked around and talked to one person whom I mistaken for Yat!! Hehe... but first on my list will be a pair of headphone from Audiotechnica. Next will be a few sets of clothin. I mentioned to my mum that I wanted to buy a pair of skinny jean and both my mum and sis gave me the blood shot look directly to me! I've never seen them like that before... It really scares the crap out of me... So far there is only one person tht is able to do that but now I have to add my mum into the list. But the scariest is that first person one. It pierces right through my soul. *Shivers*

Gah.... It's already 3.09am now and I don't even feel the slightest sleepiness... crap man... If only I can have an amnesia for a short period of time. Maybe around one month like that kind. Well.... at least I don't have to think bout so many things. My mind is like flooded with so many stuffs, mix of regrets, joy and sadness... Haish... but then again, if I were to have an amnesia, it will only make me feel worst. Not knowin who I am, why am I here, who are those people aroound me, the emptiness in my mind, forgettin the person that I really care for, the missin memories of my brothers, family and loved ones... that's worst than havin them. I'm glad that I still have my sweet memories. But for my heart, I wish that it can be more than just memories...

I'm kinda worried for one of my brother. I shall not mention his name as that is not necessary. He is in a state that worries me. But I just that he will be doin fine. Although I may seem like a blur and quiet person, I am observant. I may not see every thing but for those that I am aware of, will worry me. But I will help those that I can in my own "blur blur" kind of ways. Be it being there to listen to that of sacrificin my time, energy and soul for that person. Because you are all like a family to me..... Hehehe.. gomen gomen... there I go again with my random talk. I'll be accompanyin Cheep Cheep to sleep for a while now but I don't think that I might be able to sleep.

I guess I'll end it here. See you some other time...
I feel as though that I am like a child that have lost his mother in a busy crowd. Cryin but not a single soul notice. Wonderin around in search of his mother, he longs for her company...

posted at 2:56 AM