Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Stars blinking in the night sky,
I rest my head on the floor as I began to admire them,
Out in the night sky, hidden from sight, the moon appear
As beautiful as a white Hare in a snow field.

Gazing at the stars, I began to wonder to myself,
Where have u been?
Will I be able to see u again?
Guardian of the night sky, Goddess of the moon.

Reflections of the sky can be seen on the flowing river
And the sound of crickets chripping can be heard in harmony
As it shows the lonely feeling in my heart

Blazing across the sky, a shooting star flew pass the night sky
Adding awe to it's natural beauty...
Clamping my hands together,
I hope and pray for your safe return in my arms one day.



(Something that I wrote that has meanings and sense but has nothing to do with poetry because... I've lost my skill..)

I wonder how many days and how many nights had passed by with me in a calm and stable mind. How many times a night have I not cried? I've lost count... Tears and regrets are always in the air of my room for many nights. I am depressed and sad about my life right now... I am missing someone that is truely important to me in my life. The sweet scent, the sweet smile, the warmth of her hug, that sweet voice of her's that greets me every morning, the times we were together outside, the smoothness of her tender touch that caress my cheeks when I am down, her cute and innocent eyes that stares into mine as we spoke of those loving to each other, and her loving company... I miss and long for those times. But, in honest words, it is not those times that I really long for, but, it is her that I true long for...

The tears that I shed each time I cry are the tears of loneliness and regrets of those things that I've done to lose you... How long has it been? 4 months? Ah yes. It has been 4 months since we were once together... Why do I cry for losing this girl after so long? Why do I love this girl so much? It's difficult for human words to describe. Only mutual emotions can understand. It's not just about appearance. It's also about her character, her personality, her loving behaviour, her innocence, her purity and her, are just a few things that attracts me to her and harbour this lonely feeling of loving for her...

The harder I try to avoid the truth of my heart, the more my heart and my mind rejects me, causing me to be in a deeper depression. I've tried to approach her and tell her how I really feel for her and how much I truely want to be with her once again but her sweet smile and beautiful eyes stops me from proceeding onwards. Why do I kept on doing that? It is because I do not want to hurt her or to put her in a state of stress due to my own feelings. I do not want to see her sad because of that. I'll blame myself even more if that happens. But even so, I really do want to tell her. The other reason is because I am afraid of what is to come after I pour my feelings to her. What if I am ignored? What if she rejects me? I will not be able to handle that... really. And also, this will be my first time to confess my feelings to someone... Oh God, please give me the courage... it hurts me day and night as in keep this feelings and contain it to myself... give me the strength and your blessings. I truely love and care for this person...

For the time being, I am looking after a few people that I care for in terms of their life journey. I may be sad and depress but I shall not let that stop me from being a brother, a joker, a cHeep cHeep, a family and a Nazree to my old peeps and brothers. I know it is selfish and risky to hide and mask such immense negative feeling and help other but it brings joy to me to see them smile and hear them laugh whole heartedly. I will use this remaining time of what's left for my sanity to be with them to my very end. OKOK~ Negativity aside now, I'm on a mission to be the best Nazree that I am capable of and beyond it!! Hehe ^^V

It's not easy but I'm doing quite well with that. Oh ya, and I'm also watching over and guiding a pair of lovebirds. I don't want them to be like me and ended up something me and live to regret it for the rest of my life so, that's why I want to help this kind of people ^^
As a last note before I end my current post, I truely enjoyed myself knowing, growing and spendin my life time with the old peeps and brothers and I really look forward to future outings and gatherings. If I were to pass away any time soon, I want you guys to know and understand that there is no other friend that I really respect, care, love and cherish but you guys. I shouldn't call you guys my friends anymore because, all of you are part of my family now. Part of my life. All 9 of you. Saifullah, Syed, Hidayat, Kelvin, Chuanru, Chee Kian, Thachanaa, Kaile and Wani. And above all, the one that I truely care and love the most is you, CR... I love you...


*I wish I dare to say this words to you with a sincere tone and confidence. Sorry if any of it angers anyone*

posted at 1:44 AM


Friday, August 21, 2009

Sorry Zanzan for not chattin wif you after so long. Blogger was down for me for quite some time. Don't know why. When I try to enter the "new post" tab, the white screen of death appears to haunt me for like... 2 weeks or less? Hehe.. I actually got nothin much to blog bout rite now coz I've lost my mood entirely wif almost everythin that got to do wif life... Sheesh!!! Since when I'm becomin like this?! Naz don't behave this way. He is always cheerful, smiling, joking, helping. But now I like becomin more slacking, lazy, demotivated and like missing my aim in life. Ever since that day, I feel like I'm becoming like Takayuki. Wonderin who is he? I can't tell you the show coz it's too depressin for most to watch. ^3^


Well, at least cHeep cHeep is still cHeep cHeep! That's a sigh of relief~ Oh well, think I'll stop here for now. I think I'll post bout those things that are goin on in my mind by next post and there will be somethings that I have never spoke of or hide from others when I'm sharin wif them bout wad is goin on in my mind. Why? Don't no. Maybe because I don't want to bother them further or maybe it may be too much for them to handle or they never ask me bout those things that trapped in my mind? Hehe ^^v I wonder if there is anyone out there that will ask me this? If there is, I pour everythin to that person. Honestly and sincerely. Without keepin any leftovers inside. Kinda lookin forward to that ^^


Ok ah, I'll chao now! Byebye!!

posted at 10:37 PM


Saturday, August 1, 2009




I wonder just how many of us will remember one another and still remain close to one another as the years goes by? I, for certain will not forget this people as I care so much for each individual but I hardly show it to some. It's difficult for me at times but occasionally, I feel there's a need for me express my gratitude to each of them. One in a different way. I'm still thinkin bout it. I want to make it special and meaningful.
Times have changed but let it not makes us change too. I have realised so much bout myself from all of you that I have never notice about. Sometimes, to even thank you guys seems so difficult that I have to stammer and change to a different topic for hours before I can show my appreciation such as the word, "thanks" to you guys. I must admit, I do get upset and angry over stuffs that concerns you guys like for example, the sudden changes in things that I have not adapt myself to yet, the amount of time spent together and also, priority level towards others. But what I realise is that, this feeling does not come because of hate or extreme anger, it's just that... I missed you guys so dearly. Those times... I care for you all so much that there seem to exist a small child in me that does not want to let you guys go from my sight.
I want to apologise for my childish behaviours, harshness, inconsideration and many more but it seems rather awkward to all of you if I am to suddenly meet up or call you guys just to apologise and thank you all out of the blue. Hehe... I think I'll stop here for today. Before I end, I sincerely thank you all those that have been with (and still do) me all time while and being like a family to me like Lalah. I will never forget you guys and will always be here (and there) for you guys coz you guys mean so much to me than just friends. Old group, bros and ITE friends, this applies to you guys. Thank You~
I don't want us to be part of a memory...

posted at 12:23 AM