Sunday, December 27, 2009

Yosh Zanzan! Hehe! Thought of droppin by yesterday and chat with ya but was too tired. Hehehe... Gomen gomen.. Okok. I went to EOY yesterday. The event itself was rather disappointin especially the location where the event took place. It's small in my opinion and when the place is packed with people... you can imagine how hard it was for me and Orange to walk around. Oh ya, I went there with Orange too! Hehe~ I'll get to that later. The only thing that I like bout the venue was the Theatre hall, if I remember correctly or was it called the auditorium... hmm... oh well! But to me, that's the best area of all for the event wise. But overall for the event, it wasn't very great. I still prefer a larger space like EXPO that kind. Hehe~


But to me, the best part of the whole would be the time spent with Orange~ Thank you Orange~! Sincerely, thank you so much ^^ Had fun readin books bout Mythology and some History books in the Library. Really lookin forward to the next time that I can meet Orange again. Pineapple misses Orange alot uh~ Hehe~ Gomen gomen~! ACK?! It's 3.35AM now... Okok... I'll stop here for now~ Byebye~!

posted at 10:07 PM


Tuesday, December 22, 2009

I'm like, stonin right now on my pc table? So bored and hungry and yet, I don't seem to wanna eat. But that's ok. OH! I've found my DS charger! Finally~ It was my mum who found it. It was in her room stuck somewhere among the stacks of boxes and all the while I thought it was lost somewhere in my sis room - -' She's fully charged and ready to play with me~ Hehe~ My DS is a female too! I have not found out her name yet but maybe soon my DS will open up to me like my headphones? I hope so~ ^^

2 more days~ Weeeeee~~~~ Thach is comin back to Singapore tomorrow mornin too! If you were to notice, a lot of things happens on my number, 23. Hehe... Ah crap... I'm startin to remember bout my illness... - -' sheesh... why the sudden come back of this thought man.. Oh well~ I guess I'll stop here. Take care Zanzan~! Byebye~

posted at 11:22 PM


Monday, December 21, 2009

Yosh! I've finally got my hands on Shin Megami Tensei Devil Survivor OST! Hehehehe! The game is great too! For those with DS, do try it. It's great and fun too. Where have you gone to? Why have you been missin for 2 weeks? Why DS charger? Why? I've been searchin for my DS charger and up till now I still can't find it yet... sheesh... don't tell me the charger is currently merajuk with me... *Switch to next song* Hehe! You know Miss Yuki? I've gotten to know her. She's a nice person. It's been fun talkin to her ^^.





3 MORE DAYS TO THE BIRTHDAY OUTING!!!! YES AH!! I shall wait patiently...

posted at 1:13 PM


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Zanzan... I don't feel so good... My fever is comin back and this seriously worries me a lot... I feel like someone who is dyin. I know I know. I shudn't speak in such manner but this matter does worries me. I'll be takin my meds later on soon. *phew* It's so difficult to type. I think that's all for now Zanzan... gomen gomen. See ya.

posted at 11:34 PM


Sunday, December 13, 2009

Yosh! Zanzan! How are you? Great I hope. Today I had fun uh! Went swimmin with CK and WJ and went to have my dinner with Sai and Yat at harbourfront. It's been a fun day yet tirin too. Well... not really suppose to be tirin for me coz I just float around but still, I'm feelin that fatigue somehow. Hehe~ Oh! I had an unexpected call from Kai and he is like currently in Cambodia right now. He just called to check up on me - -' I mean, thats great but for anyone to call me to just check up on me I find it like I've troubled them. Thanked him too. For the time being, I shudn't stress him out with my head so I'll just say a few things only once in a while.


*Psst psst* Zanzan, someone callin you cute eh! Hehe~ Smile a little friend~ I'll think I'll stop here. Body feelin really tired somehow. Hehe~ Byebye~

posted at 12:44 AM


Saturday, December 12, 2009

Ehoh~ I'm back~ Currently listenin to Pink Spider and Pose by Hide with Spread Beaver. Yuppu. It's Hide from X Japan. I like the meanin behind the lyrics, Pink Spider and his style of singin it out. I like the piano part for Pose too. Hehe! But... it's saddens me that he is no longer here... only his memories and his songs are left with everyone who knows of him...


I'm so damn hungry right now~ Got nothin much to eat uh. Oh well. What to do? Hehe.. I threw away quite a number of my meds away and I know that is suicidal but hey, they are just normal meds like cough syrup, fever pills and some for my head but the important ones I have not throw them yet. But I'm sure I'm goin to regret this big time sooner or later... Hehe! I'll be alright. It's just some head pain that can be very unbearable. I'm gonna keep my hair long once again and straighten it. Just something random, Canon EOS 7D and Canon EOS 500D has captured my attention. Hopin to get either one of them by the end of next year.


PINK SPIDER!! Hehe~ Got the song stuck in my headphone and my heart. That's all for tonight. Sayouanara and goodnight~

posted at 2:30 AM


Friday, December 11, 2009

There's so much anger flowin in me right now Zanzan... I feel like makin my own mark on the wall like wad I did to my previous house but my mum had warn me on the first day that this house walls is old so the result can be quite bad. I can't even sing my heart out... damn it... And Athena is like bitin on my ears right now. Hehe.. Think bcoz I've been wearin her for too long but hey, her voice is nice. A little good news for you Zanzan, I'm recoverin from my coughin now. Soon, I'll be able to drink cold soon~ At least that will make my everyday feels a little better... Gah... this anger is seriously drivin me nuts... I'll chat with you again later in the night Zanzan. Byebye~

posted at 10:34 AM


Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Sittin back on my chair right now, I'm thinkin, is my time goin to go up soon? Nah, it's just a thought. Most probably due to myself being sick so often. The coughin is still here. I just don't no for how long more will I be sick. At around 6+pm today, after I woke up from my short nap, I began to cough like usual but there's a slight difference this time. There's blood on my palm when I coughin at that point of time but now no more. It's only for a few seconds but my throat is still sore after that hard cough. Sheesh... seriously, wads wrong with my body man... takin care and not is like the same to me. Or maybe, I'm not sick because I'm not takin care of myself. Maybe it's because I'm thinkin too much but of wad? That's my question.


Until now my parents are still not back yet and I'm starvin~ hehe. Tomorrow checkup... Feelin a little scared of coz. Soo hungry~~ Why don't I cook somethin for myself you ask? Well, I'm lackin ingredient and if I do cook, it may not be that good for my body for the time being. I no! There's bread! That will do for now. Alrightou~ Gotta go! Byebye~

posted at 10:38 PM


Look at the time! It's 2AM alreadie~! Hehe!! Worry not. I'll be sleepin so don't worry. Currently listenin to "Chikai" by Jealkb. A few of their songs are favourite. Wait... only two only hehe.. gomen gomen~ One thing I salute them about is that they are a band of jokers too. I mean, they are actually comedians initially. Nice right? Hehe! I gotta work on my skills to make others laugh. Yea! If Kai was here, I think he might be like, "You never stop to push yourself". Well, that's me I guess? The only thing I do know bout myself is that I always try to help others who are close to me and keep improvin myself in everythin that I do. Hmm... If I were to remember properly... I think someone once told me to stop doin that. Meanin, the part whereby I keep pushin myself non-stop but is that harmful, meh?


Hehe! But I doubt the person even remember sayin that unless I bump onto him again or somethin. Thinkin back, one of my friend even said that he shud stay away from me coz I am like a walkin signboard that says, "Keep away unless you want to die of laughter". That bugger... Lucky he said it in a jokin manner but, am I really that good at makin people laugh? I only realise that it's always due to either my blurness, accidental or my facial expression. Oh well, for as long as they can keep smilin andbe happy, I'll be happy too ^^ Alright Zanzan, I'm gonna take my meds now and head to bed. In the meantime, I shall resume back on my work on my story! This is goin to be excitin coz the War of the Void dimension is nearly~ Hehe~ Byebye~

posted at 1:54 AM


Sunday, December 6, 2009

Currently listenin to "Tears" by X Japan. It's one of my favourite too. I hope you won't get sick of it Zanzan. Sorry if you do. Really, I am. My sis is now likin "Tears", "Forever Love" and "Longing... togireta melody". Everytime both of us listens to "Longing", Hide's image will appear in our minds and eventhough she is new to X Japan, havin someone important missin in anyone's life like Hide for X Japan, it hurts her. Even till now. She really likes it when I sing though I don't know why. I did ask before and her only reply is that there's a certain feel that I manage to deliver out when I sing though I find that rather... weird of her. Serious.


Wednesday will be the day I'm goin for another checkup. Haish... troublesome... I'm kind of scared of what will the result be after the checkup. It's either it will be a slightly bad state or it didn't grow at all yet. Either way, it's still bad because it's due to this headpain that my fever refuses to leave. Talk bout that, my cough is gettin rather irritatin now. Just now, my whole relatives came over for a while and the first thing that my grandmother ask me was, "Have you healed? How about going to the doctor?"


My mum helped me answer but sayin no to everythin which is true. They are extremely worried bout my chest pain that came about last week but I'm fine now but they keep emphasisin the fact that it may be ok now but if it does return, it's not goin to be pretty and may be a little too late for easy treatment. Hehe... If they are alreadie this worried over somethin that I am not even sure of, imagine how worried they would be if they were to know about this thing that is growin inside my head? That is why I chose not to tell everyone. I know it's not to keep secrets like this especially the ones that endanger one's life but I can't bear to take away their smile...


Speakin of that, *psst psst* Zanzan. Do you notice a young lady that visits you from time to time? Hehe. I feel like I wanna talk to her. In a way like being friends with but er... I like don't know how to. A little scared too~ Hehe! Hey hey now Zanzan! Don't smack me! Please!


She seems like a nice person to me. But at the same time, she seems like a lonely person too. I feel like I want keep her company. Bringin out her smile too but I think she would mind that. Ah gomen gomen! I'm kinda that sort of person. I can't see anyone whom I know being sad or down. It make feel like I have to do somethin to make him or her smile again. ACK?! I just hope I'm not being irritatin to anyone... Gomen Gomen!! Really sorry uh lady!


Hehe.. I guess that's it for today. I really hope to get to know her more but... hehe... I rather not disturb her or else she might get angry or somethin. BYEBYE Zanzan~!

posted at 11:50 PM


Friday, December 4, 2009

Hehe!! Yosh! Remember that I told you that I'll post some photos of the cats that I've taken? Here they are! I'm only postin 3 pics and they are my favourites.Fierce lookin kitty. Gomen gomen! Next time must remember to ask from the cat for permission.
Look at her eyes, their beautiful aren't they?

Cat of the round table. One of my favourite shots.

Below are the shots taken today. It's a celebration after our success in survivin the 3 months of the project term and look! My CA treated us some more! I couldn't take her enough! I kept bowin n thankin her until she got scared n hav to go near me to tell it's ok. In the end, she finds a rather, way to kind of person. Even the smallest request I'll try my best to fulfill them.

Check out the amount?! I didn't have the heart to eat them so I only ate one piece due to a few who forced me too and to stop me from takin photos for a short while.



Almost the whole class. I wish that everyone could have made it today for it will a memoriable photo. Chin Kiat n Faz, you guys a missin out man! Next term, I'll promise this to myself, I'm goin to take a photo a the complete class...




posted at 10:42 PM


Thursday, December 3, 2009

Yosh!! Hehehe!! Zanzan!! My project is finally over! YEA!! *Jumps around* Hehe!! Me, Chin Kiat, Fad and Es are currently feelin so happy and relieve that the project is over and we don't have to worry bout the time and rush here and there to assemble stuff and I don't have to breathe in any more harmful substance in the workshop anymore! Hehe... the harmful part you can say it's partly my fault coz at times, burned parts produces this poisonous smell like for example, when you are usin a solderin iron with the solder. When the solderin iron melts the solder into liquid like form to stick it with a wire or small metal ends and hardens, it produces a not so dangerous smell but still quite harmful.


One of my classmate literally pushed me away from the solderin iron after noticin that I hav been near it for a long time while he was workin on it. He didn't even tell me it was poisonous!? Hehe! But I thanked him for that. Now we are left with cleanin up the class and we are done with everythin else. Now I can focus back on my daily things ^^v


Been takin photos for this few days of my classamates and the class environment. Some of the photos are up on Facebook. But what inspired me to take more photos was this particular documentary video that my CA show to the whole class. One object can bring many different meanings. Like for example, a dandilion field had turned to a field filled with puff-balls. Nothin much interestin there right? Try this. focus on one batch of the field, take a photo of it. Zoom in or get closer to it and snap another shot. Now, focus on one puff-ball and take another photo. Notice that they all different in a way? Still not happy, believe that that puff-ball can be your best shot of the day. Try a different angle for example of a close up kind. The one shown in the video was a shot taken by aligning together the puff-ball with the sun from a bottom view shot upwards. So you can see this magnificient view of the puff-ball with a sunny glow~ Really beautiful~


I've tried it on a few of my shots on a few amazing cats. Well, I was walking back home and I saw a few cats along the way. I had this feeling that there is somethin bout them that's worth a wonderful shot and I believed in it so i took several shots of the same cat before takin the other cats and I must say, the more I take, the more I excited I became! I managed to get a few great photos too! Hehe!! Thanked the great cats for their patience by bowin to them and verbally sayin thanks. It's great that they don't mind ^^ I'll post them when I hav the time or you can go to my profile on Facebook. Here's my add, http://www.facebook.com/chaotix45?ref=profile


Movin on to my health, I'm feelin better now. No more chest pains, no fever, no sorethroats and a little coughin that can be quite irritatin and painful for my throat at times. My aunt did phone to ask whether does my cough hurts but I avoided it my tellin my mum to inform my aunt not to worry as I'm already recoverin now. I know if I were to say that it hurts at times, they goin to worry and tell me to go check up on it which I don't prefer because I do not want to worry anyone for the time being. If it's bout my head... well... the pain is now much more stronger and the duration it last is longer too. Kai told me to hang in there and stay strong and well, I'm tryin but it's tough. Oh, it's not bout the pain part that Kai told me to stay strong with. It's somethin else. But please please please, don't worry bout me for the time being alright everyone? I'm alright! The pain did came for a short while today so there's nothin to worry bout. 5 years huh... I guess I've might have shorten that time a little.


Hehe. No worries ^^v I'll be alright. Byebye! See ya next time Zanzan!

posted at 8:42 PM


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Hearing this song, "Longing... togireta melody", by X Japan really suits the mood right now. Don't worry, it's a sad love song. I'm really worried over somethin that is happenin to me. Puttin aside my stupid feelings, I am physically gettin worst now and you can blame it on me for it. Recently, I had fever and it kinda caused my muscles to ache a little but the worst part was when I was feelings this extreme pain on my chest area and I had to breathe like a fish. I'm not sure whether was it asthma but it seriously hurts alot. The feeling was like having something grabbing my lungs from inside and squeezing it tightly. If it was asthma, it wouldn't hurt at all. Just extreme difficulty in breathing but this is worst. The pain hasn't completely gone now because I can still feel the pain on my right side area but it's not that painful anymore.


Honestly speaking, I am really scared, Zanzan.... I afraid... Afraid of what is going to happen next... Will it get any worst than this? I'm not sure myself. If it is going to be much worst than this, I will accept it but please, give it to me slowly. A lot of people have been asking me to go see a doctor yesterday but I refused to saying that I am alright but in actual fact, I don't want to hear anymore bad news and also I want to make sure that it is not a false alarm. I now it's total dumb to be thinking this way but that is what I choose to do for the time being. I don't want to waste anyone's time by going for a checkup and the doctor can't find anything that is wrong with me or it's just a normal cramp. Honestly speaking, I don't find the need to for the time being.


I am truely sorry to those who really care for me. It is not that I do not care about you guys and girls. In fact, I really care and love all of you a lot. I really do... I'm still waiting for the reason for me to go forth with the opt but I can't seem to find it. I have considered everyone's feelings and thoughts and thus I promise you guys that while I am searching for the answer, I shall be there for you people and be normal. Making you guys smile is my favourite of all. I am sorry if this is saddens anyone of you but... like someone once told me, "You have lost sight of the meaning of your life Naz. I know what you desire the most and losing that, means, losing the meaning to carry on living". I will not elaborate much yet but this is what I can summarise for the time being. I do not like it when I harbour any form of feelings of love torwards anyone that will take a form of relationship wise. You gave me the true meaning of my life when I was once with you. I loved you ever so dearly, with my whole heart and soul. You are my meaning in life. To be with you is the most wonderful moments of my life. But when you were gone, when we went on separate ways, even when we still in contact, my hve lost the meaning of living...


I was depressed and sad for many months. Even till now, I have not recovered from the wound. Maybe it was my fault to begin with, to have loved you so much. So much more than how I love everyone else, including God... But being the normal Naz, I stayed strong. I am better now but I am still sad. Now, to make things slightly worst, I have feelings for another person too. One thing that I hate about my heart is that once I have fallen for someone, I really wish to be together with that person. But I know clearly, and certain that I will not be able to be with either of them... My heart is hurting me with each passing moment but what can I do to ease it? It is so stubborn... It doesn't want to give in... and thus, I've decided that if I can't find the reason, I shall take this opportunity to shut my heart and myself, permanently... As for the rest, don't be sad alright? Smile for me please? I've promised you all that I will be there for you guys right? Be strong. We will all be gone sooner or later. Hehe... it's a good thing that I can still laugh at this moment but... deep inside... I know that I am not happy... Oh, and for the two angels that I fallen for, please, don't let this affect your life alright? Everyone, please carry on and pursue what is important in your life. Funny isn't it? Even after saying all this, I still hope to be with either of them......forgive me... like I said once before, I shall accept this illness of mine as a form of punishment for my heart...


Gomenasai.... and... Thank you for everything.

posted at 1:29 AM