Thursday, January 28, 2010
Followin the breeze of the night, my mind dances in the wind.
With the flowing thoughts of mine, I still feel lonely...
leaning back on this chair, I gaze upon the sky for the missing stars,
Empty as it may seem, only clouds in the night sky greets me with a cold breeze...
Am I... living in a dream? Why am I feeling this way... I am feeling lonely... and I am missin that piece too... I won't ask for it to be filled but... It seems I in need of a touch of some reassurance... any would do... a voice of comfort, a touch of gentleness or even a.... i'm sorry Zanzan. Once in a while, I do tend to feel this way but I'll be alright. It just seem that I'm a little lost somewhere. But I'll be alright. My heart will guide me for my blinded eyes...
Ne... I miss you uh...
posted at 12:55 AM
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Yo Zanzan! Just wanna do a quick update that my PC's OS has now changed to Windows 7 and everything seems great. Just that I need to get used to the layouts and such. Oh! I needed to reinstall almost all of my drivers and not to mention some losses of important data... sheesh...Alright alright. I'll stop here for the night. Not really in the mood to chat also. *sigh* maybe it's because I suck in many ways... *sigh* I wonder... Oh never mind ^^ I'll keep that to myself. Byebye...
posted at 12:39 AM
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
God, if it is not so much for me to ask, please protect my dearest and her family. Please keep them strong and close to one another. Strengthen their bond and their hearts. And please keep my dearest safe and happy. Thank you... Amen.
posted at 5:29 PM
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Kuso! Chest cramp!! Owwwwww!! Hehe... I overdid my push ups uh. Hehe ^^ Was er... little upset just now so I pump everythin into one shot burst of push ups but for a few sets. Seriously... now I can't move my arms much coz if my chest stretch a bit, I can feel a little pain uh. Hehe. But I'll be alright.Ah damn... my head feels dizzy and I kinda feel like knockin out too... damn... I guess I am no longer really that strong as I once was huh Zanzan? Hahaha... What to do? I rather not be bothered by it coz I believe I'll be fine for as long as I limit myself yea? Hehe.. If only I was stronger... stronger than I once was too... haish...Ok la, I'll end here for now. I don't wanna go on for a while coz there are still some things in my idiotic mind. Haha... But before I go, Zanzan, do you think it's possible for someone like me to be a being that bears wings? Like an angel? Or maybe like Angeal from FF VII Crsis Core? Hehehe... I thought so too Zanzan... someone like me doesn't deserve such gifts or divine features even if I happen to be the nicest guy within my generation.... Gomen...nasai...
posted at 10:21 PM
I want to thank you dear for your prayers. In return, I shall pray even harder and do my best. Dear God, please protect my dearest and give her the strength through this hard times. Amen! And for my part, I'll be there whenever she needs me. That is all I can do fo he time being... OK. Back to my training again! Hehe. Byebye Zanzan!
posted at 11:54 AM
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
I'm still kinda lost and confused... oh wait, yosh Zanzan... Ah sorry sorry... pardon me for my tone. I'm currently a little sad deep inside... but worry not... I should be fine if noone bothers me for the time being... god... even missing someone can be a difficult situation at times...I've decided on somethin, I'm not going to comsume my pills for the time being for now. See it as a way of punishin myself for those things I subconciously say or do that hurts some people... Ahahaha.. I feel like I'm goin insane slowly and silently. I... feel... feel ashame of myself for some reason though I don't know what it is... and yes, indeed, I am a coward too but for myself to be that, I'm taking care not to hurt people's feelings and heart due to my own selfish doings and thus, I choose to keep quiet and running.Actually, I don't even reallyknow why I'm sayin all this. I'm not even directing this to anyone. Honest! Uhuh... Just that, I've been keepin this feelin inside me and it overflowin so I have noone that I can pour to without seeing or hearin me in this pathetic state of a man I can be plus... If I'm goin to share to someone, I prefer to be physically present with the person and thus, I hardly share my problems to anyone ^^My head... kuso... I'll be fine. I'll be fine... you ought not to worry so much for me. There are others who are more important and if not, sooner or later when you are closer to someone else or meet new people, I'll be somewhere wonderin in the corner of your minds. No matter how good, helpful and nice I may be, I won't be those that stays for long for most people because I only have one good quality that matches up to a companion level... For one has already done so but it matters not much. I'm well aware of it...*Takes a deep breathe* I must stop here before I go on and annoy anyone. But remember, I'm only sharing this with no intention of shootin anyone at all. Some are from the past that I have been storin for a long time so yea. In a later time, none of this will ever matter when it's all up... Ahahaha... I'm pathetic as always... tears rolling again... haha.. I miss you still but it's alright that I am not able to see or that you do not want to see me. I understand ^^Zanzan, take care of yourself and send my regards to those who visits you. Byebye~
posted at 9:57 PM
I pray and hope that my dearest will remain strong as she face some stressful situation especially with one of our mischiveous son. Stay strong dear~! I'll be here to help you, comfort and to ease you when you are stressed out, dear.Before I end the night, I just want to tell you, deep within me, I love you and will continue to love you till the flowing river of my heart is frozen by the last drop of a grain of sand in a romance, sands of time.Aishiteru, Yuki~
posted at 12:20 AM
Monday, January 11, 2010
Before I make my leave for school and start my day, God, please hear my prayers and protect my dearest's family, safe from any form of harm. Please... And if possible, make her day today a wonderful day~ Amen.
posted at 11:22 AM
Sunday, January 10, 2010
God... the pain is startin to be more frequent now... had it again while on my way back from meetin Sai they all and I kind of embarassed myself in the bus... I accidentally teared in the bus without myself realisin it until one passenger who was sittin beside handed me a piece of tissue to wipe off the tears off my face...I thanked the person and just told the person that it might have been the dust or maybe my eyes were too dry and the person just accepted it without further questionin me... BUt the actual reason may not have been just the pain in my head... Could be the song I was listenin to and the image that I was imaginin in my mind. What they may be, I'll tell you personally and not here ^^ It's ok. Please don't worry bout me~ I'll be fine. If everythin goes wll, the pan will not exist for long ^^ But still....I think I'll stop here Zanzan. Now now! Don't worry bout me. I'll be fine~ Idiots are well-known to survive even in the most extreme situation! Hehe!! Kiddin kiddin! Too much cartoon and comedy anime~ Hehe~ Byebye~
posted at 10:20 PM
Saturday, January 9, 2010
At times, things do happen too fast don't they? Haha... It's alright ^^ Just ignore what I just mention please~ Hehe...I really cannot tahan this pain already man... The pain is startin to become more and more unbearable... sheesh... and it still on the early side. Damn... And some what, I do feel like blacking out but I can't afford that coz there is noone at home and don't want to trouble anyone either. Like no point la tryin to help an idiot like me ^^Some times I wonder... why must I be like the current person I am right now. I know I am good at heart wise but other than that, I'm as bad as everyone else. For example, no more how good I am, due to who I am, everyone thinks lowly of me and that I am like a typical Mat out there. I've tried to be the nice boy, walk like a soft guy and even watch what I say and behave but still, I'm being group under that section...I won't blame anyone if they think it that way ^^ really really. Just that I have to bear with this a little longer. That's all... How I wish I was more fair... like my chinese friends, better in terms of looks like Syed, Yat and Sai... and much much more... I only one good thing in me and that is my heart alone. I'm kind and helpful but... is that really enough Zanzan? But I shouldn't be sayin such to you coz you are some what in a worst state because you are always alone in the cyberspace...Zanzan... I've been tearing for quite a long time now. Both because of this extreme pain in my head and kind of the shock that my heart felt but I'll be alright ^^ I don't wanna stress anyone plus I don't want to make any matter worst due to my own fault. Uhuh. I think I want to stop taking my meds too because it's like not working after a while so yea.But after all this, I hope I can still laugh as the I once was went my time comes. So for now, I shall be that person like a guardian. A promise is a promise so I'll be here for you, always. Until the time comes whereby you no longer need me or there is osmeone else in your hearts and minds.Byebye....
posted at 9:32 PM
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Hey Zanzan! I'm currently thinkin of the continuation for my story now and there's some progress but it's though comin up with new ideas especially now that I have to focus on Kai's character as he will be this time's main character. You remember the "War of the Void"? My rough idea is that there will be another battle taing place on the other dimension startin from one ancient race that I had created in my story. Due to the shiftin of power after the "War of the Void", many worlds have to rebuild their power and strenght back and not to mention, those areas that were heavily affected like minds and soul.
But there will be a new group of villains who will raise and seize this opportunity to consume the different dimension and worlds and Kai will be part of them. Why and how? I won't tell you just yet but through this, his curse will be lifted. That's all I can share bout my current story so yea. I'm really lookin forward to the White Shining Knights and their irritatin silence and cool looks plus that irritatin shining sound effects if you were to talk to them... But still, they are awesome! Whether are they evil or good, wait till next time!
Byebye~!
posted at 11:55 PM
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
You know Zanzan, if have not been playin a particular game for 6 years, your skill will total be gone. I'm playin this ancient game called "Bio-Hazard Battle". I used to play this game with my grandfather and we both use to come up with different strategies to defeat each bosses and to keep the most credits and lives. Damn fun! But now I'm like a total newbie but I'm gettin the hang of it back. Plus I'm tryin to remember back those moves and tricks that both of us discover ourselves ^^On my last note. I'm beginning to miss someone so much already~ Ohhhh... hehe~ I wish and hope that I can really prove to her my sincere feelings. I hope, I'll succeed in that ^^I really miss you dear....
posted at 10:38 PM
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Oh! If I may share with you somethin a little bit more Zanzan, I'm not sure why but I have this fear clinging onto my heart at this very moment. I'm not sure why. It could be because of the sudden head pain or it might be because my dear suddenly doesn't seem to be in a good mood today on msn. I won't push on for now. Can I don't take my meds? Hai hai... I think I'm goin to throw up first before I take my meds... Oh my head....
posted at 11:36 PM
I've finally changed my blogskin as how my dear wants me to but gomen... for using hide as my blogskin. Hehe~ Didn't know what to choose for Zanzan and since we both do like hide's music so we both decided on this ^^ okok. I'll stop here for now uh. My head hurts terribly bad once again but I gotta act like I'm fine. Don't want my sis or anyone else to worry bout me unnecessarily. Farewell friend~
posted at 11:33 PM
Sunday, January 3, 2010
You know... I nearly forgot my illness. You know, the one that is inside my head? Yea, thats the one. I guess I was too comfortable with my surroundings but I'm glad I've remembered it. At least I can do somethin bout it in the near future. Hehe~ At least now my dearest has know bout it and I must admit, it does pains me to hear her sad voice but it's better for her to know bout my illness than to leave someone I really care for in the dark. Don't worry, I'll go for the opt when I am ready ^^With that, I shall end it here for tonight. Goodbye and take care, Zanzan..
posted at 3:31 AM
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Yosh Zanzan~! How have you been? *yawn* It's 2.16am right now but that's ok... Not really that tired. Once I'm done with some stuffs I'll get some sleep. Hehe~ OH! Before I forget, Zanzan, A new year to you, friend! Hehe! So what's your new year resolution? Keepin it as a secret eh? Okok... Me? Well... I'm not sure whether can this be considered as a resolution but here it goes;I want to be a hero, a good friend, the best person that I can be and perhaps, a special person?Well, that's my resolution~ ^^ Summarised~ Hehe~I just hope that I'm not being too hard on anyone, especially to my dearest. If I am, I'm really sorry guys~! Don't ask me why I suddenly go to my apologitic mode because I'm not really sure myself, Zanzan. I do feel bad at times so I want to take this opportunity to apologise to anyone that I may have done wrong. Even a pineapple can make mistakes you know~ Like maybe growin in the wrong part of a farm? Hehe! Kiddin kiddin!OH! Zanzan! Did I tell you that I have two sons now?! HEHEHE!! EH?! Don't anyhow think Zanzan! I'm innocent! I'll tell you more next time uh, if I'm given the opportunity to. Hehe... I wonder how my dearest is doing right now... things seems to be rather hard on her but I'll do my best to be there for her. That's what a pineapple and a baka like me can do and best at~ Hehe~ Miss her so much alreadie...Before I end this post, if you think that you are all alone in this world, look deep inside you, you may just find someone that cares and willin to accompany you through the road that lies beneath the darkness of life. If you feel that nothing else matters, please, look through your heart once more. There may just be someone there for you. May it be a friend, family, mentor, someone special or just a plain old idiotic pineapple like me ^^v. Either way, I will always be here, hopefully in your heart and mind. To my dearest, gomen ne and love you from deep within my heart and soul. I shall cherish you, forever.
posted at 2:11 AM
