Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I'm still kinda lost and confused... oh wait, yosh Zanzan... Ah sorry sorry... pardon me for my tone. I'm currently a little sad deep inside... but worry not... I should be fine if noone bothers me for the time being... god... even missing someone can be a difficult situation at times...

I've decided on somethin, I'm not going to comsume my pills for the time being for now. See it as a way of punishin myself for those things I subconciously say or do that hurts some people... Ahahaha.. I feel like I'm goin insane slowly and silently. I... feel... feel ashame of myself for some reason though I don't know what it is... and yes, indeed, I am a coward too but for myself to be that, I'm taking care not to hurt people's feelings and heart due to my own selfish doings and thus, I choose to keep quiet and running.

Actually, I don't even reallyknow why I'm sayin all this. I'm not even directing this to anyone. Honest! Uhuh... Just that, I've been keepin this feelin inside me and it overflowin so I have noone that I can pour to without seeing or hearin me in this pathetic state of a man I can be plus... If I'm goin to share to someone, I prefer to be physically present with the person and thus, I hardly share my problems to anyone ^^

My head... kuso... I'll be fine. I'll be fine... you ought not to worry so much for me. There are others who are more important and if not, sooner or later when you are closer to someone else or meet new people, I'll be somewhere wonderin in the corner of your minds. No matter how good, helpful and nice I may be, I won't be those that stays for long for most people because I only have one good quality that matches up to a companion level... For one has already done so but it matters not much. I'm well aware of it...

*Takes a deep breathe* I must stop here before I go on and annoy anyone. But remember, I'm only sharing this with no intention of shootin anyone at all. Some are from the past that I have been storin for a long time so yea. In a later time, none of this will ever matter when it's all up... Ahahaha... I'm pathetic as always... tears rolling again... haha.. I miss you still but it's alright that I am not able to see or that you do not want to see me. I understand ^^

Zanzan, take care of yourself and send my regards to those who visits you. Byebye~

posted at 9:57 PM