Saturday, February 27, 2010

I feel so tired... I yearn for a long rest. Maybe, an eternal slumber will do me great and to others too... so so damn tired...

posted at 11:43 PM


Monday, February 22, 2010

From tomorrow onwards I shall be officially 19. Waa~~ Okok. I winder what will happen later tomorrow... Hmm... Ah~ Oh well~ ^^ Just hope no bashin coz if there is, those who participate will definitely regret it. Hehehehehe!!

Btw, you guys don't have to get me anythi at all if I can say that again. Not expectin anythin at all either. And er... thanks dear for the time spent together this afternoon~ I really appreciated it and I'll take it as a gift. No, wait... you are the gift. One of the best gift God has ever given me. Thank you Yuki for the time~

Aishiteru~

Byebye Zanzan~!

posted at 11:51 PM


Saturday, February 20, 2010

*placin my two fingers, index and middle finger, togeher and salute* YOSH!! ZANZAN!! Just droppin by after a long time. Don't worry, I'm not goin to say anythin bad because there's none that I didn't solve. It's all bout the mindset~ But at times, I must admit, it takes a lot, if not tonnes, of effort and mental power to over come them.

Anyway, I just found an old game that I have which is on PS1 and it's original by the way so don't anyhow say I don't suppot it ah! It's a game called Wild Arms 2nd Ignition or also known as Wild Arms 2. It's a great RPG to me. 2nd to the Final Fantasy titles. I'm playin it all over again I I really like the storyline too plus the awesome soundtracks. I manage to obtain the whole OST too though... that one is I didn't buy... gomen gomen... but the soundtrack sounds way awesome than the one in the game! I guess it must be due to the compression and the data format uh. Hehehe~

Ehto... 3 more days... I wonder who can remember without even lookin at my facebook profile... hmm... Hehehe~ Even my sis can't remember it until she looks at the calender. But I do believe there is a few who can remember. Please, for those plannin to get me anythin, you guys don't have to. Havin you guys around is more than enough ^^

Thanks for hearin me out Zanzan! I'm gonna leave for now. See you next time~!

posted at 10:11 PM


Sunday, February 14, 2010

Just pissed off my sis wih my annoyin singin and now she's off to sleep~ XD Now wouldn't be a good time to talk coz my voice sounds a mix of blocked nose and a little bit of not interested or angry but just a bit.

Been drinkin milk for nearly a week now and I've drank like 5 cups a day... I feel like I might just grow a pair sooner or later. Kiddin kiddin!! I think I'll make my leave now zanzan. Byebye~!

posted at 11:36 PM


Monday, February 8, 2010

I suck man... I totally suck to the core... How could I be so dumb and so selfish to have taken away the smile and joy of someone away... I totally useless... So much for lovin the person so much... I ended up upsettin her with my sad voice... baka naz.. baka naz...If there is one thing that I am good being at, that will be being an idiot, a jerk and asshole...

God, please forgive for what I've done... I didn't mean it at all... I really love her... please forgive me dear... PLease forgive me too God... I guess I've let my emotions and mind clouded me again... I'm really sorry... I'm such an idiot... stupid naz...

posted at 5:43 PM


Thursday, February 4, 2010

Heed not the words that I am bout to say. Please. Fuck it!

Just fuck it... Stop torturin yourself please..

But I can't help it. It just comes to me and there's nothin I can do bout it...

I'm growin tired over almost everythin that revolves around me and my mind...

The shits and the craps that I see each day, hear one after another, the pain, the griefs...

I may be smilin in the outside but some do know that I just simply hidin somethin deep inside...

And Even if I do look sad, deep down inside, none of my expression can surpass that emotion that I feel...

Or maybe it's just that I am just plain stressed over stuff... or the fact that I jst can't forgive myself over some stuff or maybe other stuff... I just don't know... I'm stressed out over many things. I got noone to tell it too. Really really... It's only that I don't want to, it's also because I can't. It will affect some of them and I don't want that... Haha... screw me right? That'swhy I always turn to you, Zanzan, to pour my feelings, stress and sadness out because you are the only one who won't be affected by it at all. Thanks Zanzan...

The stronger I become, the crazier I get or should I say that I become more stressed out. Like a stone that has withstand the flaming heat of the sun and strenghtenin itself with a coat of diamond to be tougher but after doing so, it toss itself into the blazing heat and flowing river of lava... Well, basically, I'm feeling like this because of myself. I just don't understand why I have this side that likes to dampen my ownself...

Maybe it's because most people are doin to that to me since I was young... My mum, dad, relatives, friends and even strangers too... I can take in so much physically but I can only take in this much mentally... I may sound alright verbally but inside, I'm shaking... Now that I come to think of it, I feel like a girl suddenly. So sensative inside... but then, guys are stronger inside too. Oh well...

I just need some words of comfort... a hug... words of assurance... but I know, that's being too demandin and thus, I always, always and always keep smilin and assurin others that I am find and tellin them all that I understand their situation and I really do. It's just that, I can be like this but almost none can do the same to me... Everythin needs time right? Uhuh... I know... That's why I'm keepin quiet from the group too. Givin myself a time out. I'm not angry or upset at either one of them either so don't worry. They all havin exams so can't really talk much and such...

I guess I should apologies to everyone tomorrow too... And for now, I must apologies to you Zanzan. I'm sorry to let you hear all this. I should thank you too for takin your time hearin me out. Thanks~ And for those reading this, please, please, please. I beg you all, not to be affectted by this alright? I'll feel bad if either of you feels that way... I may or may not explain things further if you ask me for I wish to keep it to myself because there's too much in me that I have been hidin... Gomen ne... everyone...

Byebye.....

posted at 9:27 PM


Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Before I take my rest for tonight, God, please hear out my today's prayers and heals the wounds in the heart of those people that I cared for so much. Onegai~ Please God. And if I am, please let me live to see tomorrow, the day after, the week after, a year after and if possible, until all of my friends have found their happiness, so that I can live to love and care for my dearest, Yuki once again and more with each passing moment. Grant me that wonderful opportunity to love her God. Just as how you once show me through my actions. AMEN!

And to my dearest, all the best for today's rehearsal~!

posted at 1:32 AM