Heed not the words that I am bout to say. Please. Fuck it!
Just fuck it... Stop torturin yourself please..
But I can't help it. It just comes to me and there's nothin I can do bout it...
I'm growin tired over almost everythin that revolves around me and my mind...
The shits and the craps that I see each day, hear one after another, the pain, the griefs...
I may be smilin in the outside but some do know that I just simply hidin somethin deep inside...
And Even if I do look sad, deep down inside, none of my expression can surpass that emotion that I feel...
Or maybe it's just that I am just plain stressed over stuff... or the fact that I jst can't forgive myself over some stuff or maybe other stuff... I just don't know... I'm stressed out over many things. I got noone to tell it too. Really really... It's only that I don't want to, it's also because I can't. It will affect some of them and I don't want that... Haha... screw me right? That'swhy I always turn to you, Zanzan, to pour my feelings, stress and sadness out because you are the only one who won't be affected by it at all. Thanks Zanzan...
The stronger I become, the crazier I get or should I say that I become more stressed out. Like a stone that has withstand the flaming heat of the sun and strenghtenin itself with a coat of diamond to be tougher but after doing so, it toss itself into the blazing heat and flowing river of lava... Well, basically, I'm feeling like this because of myself. I just don't understand why I have this side that likes to dampen my ownself...
Maybe it's because most people are doin to that to me since I was young... My mum, dad, relatives, friends and even strangers too... I can take in so much physically but I can only take in this much mentally... I may sound alright verbally but inside, I'm shaking... Now that I come to think of it, I feel like a girl suddenly. So sensative inside... but then, guys are stronger inside too. Oh well...
I just need some words of comfort... a hug... words of assurance... but I know, that's being too demandin and thus, I always, always and always keep smilin and assurin others that I am find and tellin them all that I understand their situation and I really do. It's just that, I can be like this but almost none can do the same to me... Everythin needs time right? Uhuh... I know... That's why I'm keepin quiet from the group too. Givin myself a time out. I'm not angry or upset at either one of them either so don't worry. They all havin exams so can't really talk much and such...
I guess I should apologies to everyone tomorrow too... And for now, I must apologies to you Zanzan. I'm sorry to let you hear all this. I should thank you too for takin your time hearin me out. Thanks~ And for those reading this, please, please, please. I beg you all, not to be affectted by this alright? I'll feel bad if either of you feels that way... I may or may not explain things further if you ask me for I wish to keep it to myself because there's too much in me that I have been hidin... Gomen ne... everyone...
