Friday, April 30, 2010

I've made a shame out of myself today in the bus when I was heading home. I teared inside bus... haish... You won't understand... I'm feeling so depressed and stressed out too... damn it... I won't explain myself to anyone for hey won't understand it, even you Zanzan. Plus, I may just ended up gettin scoldin or even laugh atif I were to tell anyone so yea... this is somethin that only I can understand and accept... gomenasai....

Lastly, I have to thank my friend for talkin to me on my fb posts for that person is usually the only one who, ever notice my emotional posts... oh well.. Thanks friend :D

posted at 11:52 PM


Monday, April 26, 2010

Your confidence does not lay in your looks dear. Don't depend on your looks for confidence. Self confidence is not based on outer looks. Confidence comes from within. Deep within you, dear. I am attracted to you not just because of your beauty alone. I have fallen for the person deep inside you. I have fallen for the Ong Jin that I knew through the phone, blog, msn, EOY and also, the person that I'm sharing my life with.

Ong Jin, my dearest wife, I love you and everything about you. We've made promises with our tears, time, words and hearts. I will enforce it in my part with my actions and effort. Even if times becomes tough for us, I will not leave your side unless you ask me to. I need you by my side as much I want to spend my time with you. Hime-sama, I love you~

posted at 10:17 PM


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Yosh~ Second day has pass by and everythin seems to be goin quite well for me. I do prefer to be in Poly but I don't really mind studyin in Higher Nitec since the new facility in CCK seems to be as up to standard with other polys too so yea plus the people aroud me gave me their support too. I really appreciate it a lot especially from Her royal highness~ XD Thank you dear~!

For school wise, so far I've gotten to know 3 classmates and I seem to be well with them. 2 guys and one girl. I only know and remember the guy's names while I didn't remember the girl's name but oh well. They are nice people from how things are goin currently and they thought I'm the 2nd youngest between the three guys... haish... some more kena labelled as the gadget boy due to my headphone (Athena), phone and my mp3. Hehe. Trademark since Secondary school! Oh ya... the bad thing is... got two of them that likes to play with my hair... and one guy keep sayin I look like one of his Scondary school friend with the same face and movement except for the hair...

Oh well. Bump onto Ming Cang and Kai today. Talked to them for a little while and boy am I glad to know Ming is studyin there too. At least there's one more familiar face to chat to once in a while and catch up. And lastly, I changed phone already uh, Zanzan. I've changed to Omnia II. It's good. Liked it alot. Been waitin for it for a year plus and finally able to buy it with a little help from my mum (so kind [rare chance of happening]). Thanks mum!

And thus, this Butler shall make his leave for the time being and return on a different day. And to my lady, a thousand nights and a thoussand days, I miss you, Hime-sama~

posted at 12:21 AM


Thursday, April 8, 2010

Things are slightly better now between me and Ong Jin. I really regretted all those things that I've done and I don't want to repeat them ever again. Things nearly ended in a bad way but I am grateful to her for giving me another chance to make amendments and repent... I'm sorry dear...

I really love her so much so that the hought of her no longer in my life shakes me to the core and fear clutchin my heart... She is like the pillar that supports me in my good and bad times. She's one of the few people who can calm my stress level down quick with just her voice and comfort (and maybe once in a while, her pinches and verbal bully yet gentle manner). She's a princess in my eyes and heart who rules over me with love and kindness.

I would like to thank those whom were involved and apologies for the trouble I've caused you all. Really sorry.. I appreciated all the help and advice. And to you my dear, thanks for givin me that extra push every time I'm stuck and guidance when I'm lost. Thank you dear~

posted at 9:50 PM


Wednesday, April 7, 2010

A butterfly, flying high and low in the green meadow,

In search of a beautiful flower with a sweet scent of nectar.
Gliding through the current of air, it glides towards it.

Little dark shadows of clouds dance upon the meadow,
Signalling the signs of rain that is to come.

Fly, fly, little one, as it's little will strives this insect forward.
From dancing shadows, a fleet of endless dark shadow cast upon the field.

Beautiful as it seems from afar, only it's sweet scent guide the insect.
Drip, drip, drip. Raindrops falls upon it's fragile wings.
Heavy and drenched, it rest on the muddy soil.
With the fading scent, it crawls towards the flower.

Drip, drip, drip. It rests on the stalk with wings soak in drops of water.
Drip, drip, drip. The colour on it's wings fades as the water washes it way.
Sad as it seems, it's picture of joy fades by the drips.

Cracks of light breaks through the rainy clouds,
With heat and light, it shines the meadow.
Drying the drenched wings, it cracks and wither away like a fallen petal...
Such is the fate of a wondering insect...




Just a simple poem that doesn't really sound like one. Oh well... It's 6.05AM now and I haven't sleep yet. I wonder how she is doing right now.... I this feel extremely bad though... I guess that worried and scared side of me is what keeping me awake. It's alright. It's only right that I don't sleep either since it is my fault to begin. Walked out of my mum's rooom just now she's the first to ask how ome I'm not asleep yet and is keeping me awake but I didn't tell her much. Just said I can't seem to sleep. That's all...

I think I should switch off my pc for the least to cool it off... I hope she's alright too... I'll be awake still so don't worry.. Byebye..

posted at 3:44 AM


God... What have I done to hurt... Please forgve me God... I'm really sorry! No... It's not God's forgiveness that matters to me most... It's her forgive that matters to me.. Yes. It's her forgiveness... I'm really sorry.. I do not know of any other way to make you feel better at this moment... nor can I do anything to clear things up if there is anything that needs me to explain further...

I'm shivering inside out so much now. My sis assumes that its the result of hunger but I'm not hungry.. Hunger is not what that causing me to shiver... It's my fears... I'm afraid of lossin someone I love so dearly... I'm afraid of the consequences... What will happen tomorrow.. what will happen the day after... I'm so afraid... I... I...

why am i only able to cry and shiver at this point of time? why can't i do even a different thing to make things better... why arms.. why? why are you shiverin and only that..? I'm so worried and so scared.... oh no... please forgive me! I so sorry...

I really love her.. I do not want to lose her... she's the reason why I am strong. She's the reason I am smiling, full of joy and being able to there for everyone like my group and includin Kai. She's been supportin me all this while... I really appreciate it alot. More than words, I want to show her that I really appreciate her.. and forgettin you God, for blessin me with the opportunity to meet with someone as wonderful as her.

I feel so wrong and guilty... why did I do that... why must have I be so stupid and to have hurt her so much... I don't want to lose her... never have I ever wish to hurt her at any time... I rather lose everythin else than to lose her... I'm so sorry..... will I be given a second chance? I know it's very rude of me to be sayin and askin such especially after what i had done... But it's just..just that...

I'm not sure if it's even alright for me to be sayin this to her but... I really love you.. Deep within my heart, my soul and my conscious, I love you. I want to do somethin to make things better and not leave it as it is... I feel so... so... so useless and helpless... I'm really really.. really sorry dear...

posted at 12:19 AM


Monday, April 5, 2010

Yo~ Back. Damn sien right now... can't sleep either. Not really sleepy either. Just messaged the two guys and it seems that one will be able to make it. *sigh* kena lecture abit some more... It not that I'm not being honest to myself, Kai. I am but I don't wanna make others sad you know so I'll just accept it. You know me. Hehe. Stubborn when it comes to makin others smile ^^ even if it does make me a little sad but that's alright. Seeing a smile do heal me, even if it does it slowly. Oh well...

Before I make my leave, for those Digimon fans out there, there will be a new Digimon game to be release in July 1 but it will bein Japanese. Hehe~ Digimon Story: Lost Evolution. I pray that this game doesn't get cancel because I've been hoping for a new Digimon game once every year at least. Digimon~!

Oyasumi.... With the stars glitters the midnight sky, the night lays quiet and silent. So does my eyes and lips... Goodnight~

posted at 1:51 AM


Friday, April 2, 2010

For the past 3 days, my body hasn't been feeling rather good lately. Had a slight fever for the first day but now I'm only left with runny nose and (depressed) kind of bad feelin in my throat that makes me feel a little discomfort when talkin and makes me think I sound bad... D:

My voice is very important to me. It's like, my only outer points because I don't have that looks other than a nice voice... *sigh* oh well... I mustn't be depressed about that over here or else those people that I've tried to motivate will look down on e and find me bad. -_-' yare yare...

And my cold keeps givin me problems... damn it.. If I may say this once again, I miss her, dearly... Day and night I hope to see her but that's alright. For as long.. as my hair is still remainin curly, I don't think I'll be able any time soon. T3T But that's alright. I don't want her to be stress out with my hair either so yea... If that's the best, I'll just patiently wait... haish...

posted at 11:56 PM