Wednesday, April 7, 2010

God... What have I done to hurt... Please forgve me God... I'm really sorry! No... It's not God's forgiveness that matters to me most... It's her forgive that matters to me.. Yes. It's her forgiveness... I'm really sorry.. I do not know of any other way to make you feel better at this moment... nor can I do anything to clear things up if there is anything that needs me to explain further...

I'm shivering inside out so much now. My sis assumes that its the result of hunger but I'm not hungry.. Hunger is not what that causing me to shiver... It's my fears... I'm afraid of lossin someone I love so dearly... I'm afraid of the consequences... What will happen tomorrow.. what will happen the day after... I'm so afraid... I... I...

why am i only able to cry and shiver at this point of time? why can't i do even a different thing to make things better... why arms.. why? why are you shiverin and only that..? I'm so worried and so scared.... oh no... please forgive me! I so sorry...

I really love her.. I do not want to lose her... she's the reason why I am strong. She's the reason I am smiling, full of joy and being able to there for everyone like my group and includin Kai. She's been supportin me all this while... I really appreciate it alot. More than words, I want to show her that I really appreciate her.. and forgettin you God, for blessin me with the opportunity to meet with someone as wonderful as her.

I feel so wrong and guilty... why did I do that... why must have I be so stupid and to have hurt her so much... I don't want to lose her... never have I ever wish to hurt her at any time... I rather lose everythin else than to lose her... I'm so sorry..... will I be given a second chance? I know it's very rude of me to be sayin and askin such especially after what i had done... But it's just..just that...

I'm not sure if it's even alright for me to be sayin this to her but... I really love you.. Deep within my heart, my soul and my conscious, I love you. I want to do somethin to make things better and not leave it as it is... I feel so... so... so useless and helpless... I'm really really.. really sorry dear...

posted at 12:19 AM