But this time around, I would like to share something different with you. I just a sad story of mine so please treat it like one alright? You do know that I have fallen in love with someone currently right? A sweet, young, lovely, charming, cute, beautiful lady that seems prefect or complete in my eyes. We have been loving and together for one year, seven months and fifteen days... Yes... To be tiny heart, we ended our loving chapter just yesterday... You are the only form of warmth that I can feel currently Zanzan... the heat that flows from the laptop and out from the fan. Who am I kidding... My jokes are neither funny nor lame... Memories of her, of us, keep flowing in and around my mind. Never out. It flows like how the sands in an Hour Glass flows...

I want to feel her again... the warmth that she radiates and seeing her smile... I can no longer hold her in my arms anymore now... friends are allowed to hug, of course, but I won't be allowed to embrace her like my own wife... My love for her is too strong to let go that easily... We had no strong problem that could repel both of us apart for long... I keep blaming myself for that event that happened that day... If only... If only I had listened to her and went home... If only... And that's all that I can ever say.. It's true I am useless and hopeless in doing tasks but I never knew I was this.. this bad... Even your layout Zanzan, was chosen by her. Do you remember? I remember it very clearly..

Oh my aching heart...

I wish I could just reverse time and headed home instead... home... back... hmm.. I guess I'm not really in the proper state of mind to be sharing anything right now I guess.. I'm listening to Mucc's Ayatori. I don't know the meaning behind every single word in the lyrics but the music...some how it just compels me to just tear... tear a never ending river... ahaha.. I can't believe everything... has ended... oh my heart... it's still aching... we were going so smoothly... why... why... she said it's fated for that to happen... I never deny that fact. It's correct, in a sense but... what if I were to went home on that day after seeing her parent's windows are wide open? I may still be fated to still be with her... doesn't that make sense to you Zanzan?

I never felt such strong emotions towards my past relationship... All I know is that I love her so dearly.. more that anything and anyone in my life... I didn't shed any tears during any passing away of relatives and lonely a little for my late great grandmother but for her... this is more than that.. I wish I could call her, like usual and hear her cheerful voices and most probably a few scoldings in a joking way... I miss that... I miss that so much... Now I have no one to scold me anymore...

This year... It seems that I've lost so many friends.. My circle of friends are decreasing rapidly and losing her as a special someone was never in my mind for this year... The only friends I have left is Kaile and QX but they'll most probably have to leave for some reason or other... everyone has dreams right? I guess that will be one of the reason for their disappearance in future time.. I don't know... Gosh... tearing marathon is really, really painful... It's not like anyone will truly care at home by morning... Now, I have lost her... my precious gem that I polish daily with my heart, sincerity and love... gone... losing her was the biggest blow for me... As they say, behind every man is a woman and in every men, women are their greatest weakness... some can argue with that statement but I have no emotions to entertain such topics at the moment...

It would be nice if I wake up by morning and seeing a message for her saying or asking me to resume our chapter again... Why not I ask instead? how can that be possible... I can't. She'll never accept or say yes... no matter how much we would love to but she would say no to it... Why do we have to leave? Well... It's for the best.. She won't have to lie to her mum anymore and at least she doesn't have to feel any guilt and answering her mum back with confidence if the topic about relationship ever raise up again...

I don't know... My heart weighs heavy and begging me to be back with her...I just can't.. I don't dare to... I respect and love her and I promise I would help her along the way by not making it difficult for her or pestering her... no matter how many times I explain to my pouring heart, it still asking me why...why...why... why do we have to leave... can't we just... nah.. I better shut up until this part... I can't be selfish... If she views that this is for the best and better option, I'll accept it..

Even though she told me to not wait, I'll still be waiting... waiting for perhaps a day where a lady dressed so lovely, having winds blowing gently on her clothes and skin and telling me, 'Yes. We can resume again'.

Have you heard of dimensions or parallel dimensions such as like the decisions that you never make or do, the aftermath of the choice that you didn't do gets created and forms a parallel world, same as ours but just a little different. I hope that Naz in that parallel world is happy and loving his Princess so so so much and laughing together in joy...

I still love you baby...