Thursday, January 29, 2009

I've been under a lot of stress lately though I best not to bother you with it. I may seem fine on the outside but inside...I'm hiding it from the surface of my emotions. How I do it? Easy! Just act carefree and blur. Thats me though day by day I'm the one thats killin myself slowly... by far there's only two things that's really botherin me so much...How I wish I can live in my own fantasy of happiness where the only thing that I wish is that I can live in total happiness with not much worries...hehe...lame isn't it? Here I am doing the only think that I can do and only do...that is wishing and hoping... but is that good? I myself do not know or understands this simple question.

All this while I've been comfortin myself with lies that I want to see and hear. Those lies that will calm my mind but for how long am I going to continue? Truth is I don't even like my own self at times. When someone or somethin better happens...I tend to degrade myself by mockin at myself for being less than that of who or what I saw and hear. I once heard that I, alone, is enough for I am better and the best in that person's eyes but what happen to that now? People change and yes I agree to that because everyone matures each day but sometimes certain things are best kept untouched...

Momotaros from Kamen Rider Den-O once said to Ryotarou that even if he is to dissappear in the near future as he continues to fight, all he cares is to protect those of the present time, which is now. But can I be that strong? I mean I don't want to protect my present time as in fightin someone. Maybe spendin more time with those that I truely love and treasure? Or maybe I should improve myself and show that I'm the best? I don't actually...I need guidance and thats what I think I need.

I'm sorry to have list my thoughts and deep feelings of "I don't know what to place here" that may trouble you. Please don't take it to heart as I'm not directin this to anyone. I'm just sayin because its hard for me express of pour to others without havin to hurt or trouble them so thus, I tend to keep things to myself and act happy.

As a side note:
-no matter what the future may hold for me and those around, I wish to be with you forever...

posted at 7:40 PM