Friday, February 13, 2009

Today was yet again one of my worst day goin out...and I bet tomorrow will be no different either... Well, I went for Hao's BBQ today and from the beginning which is during the time I met the rest of the old group all the way till we left the BBQ I received many negative stuffs... And one think for sure is that I don't understand why I was havin a very low self-esteem and angered so quickly...It's not really me that kind..

The first thing that stared to get me a little upset today was the time where I was pushed aside when Kel and the rest came at the school gate. Next was when I got scolded by Hao for accidentally bringin along two of my friends to join in last minute. The followin thing is that kai made me look like a helpless guy by not servin her with anythin just yet and he helped me to do it which really made me see myself as a pathetic as a guy... next is the time where the rest took turns to play "Left 4 Dead" and she sat at almost every time beside the person's arm rest part of the chair except mine and I felt left out once again so I chose the most pathetic option to accompany Xiang and Kai with a very reluctant happy face.

Next was the time where she received an msg and said, "It's personal" to me went I accidentally look at her phone thinkin she was browsin thru only...that really gave me a very bad impression and suspicious of her. The other time was when Yat was bullied to being thrown into the pool and two ppl wanted to video him and I felt really bad for him seens he willingly accepted the offer of being thrown but others are takin advantage of it and seein him without proper clothin to the ladies...Last but not least is the time whereby we all wanted to go home and I was thinkin of talkin to her again but then she kept close to Kel and leavin me no choice and bad feelin to interrupt both of them so I choose to talk to Lalah and Yat though both of them notice I wasn't talkin sense and ignorin the people behind but I just don't want to disturb the others behind. Also the part that hurts me was the time she wanted to go home alone...that really show that not only am I a jerk of the day but I'm also an ass of the day! Congrats Naz for your disgraceful achievements today...

I know that all this points above are not to be angry with but I just don't understand why I was behavin that way and also behavin like a jerk in front of her by ignorin and hurtin her emotionally...I could be feelin rather jealous. And I'm the direct and honest kind of person and I don't like to hide things from her cause "there's no secret among us" as what we both promised before to each other...so yea...mayb I was fellin jealous that resulted in me becomin angry... shit la... I'm a jerk that deserve beatings and slappin from her and the rest of my old group...please...

posted at 11:45 PM