Monday, July 6, 2009
Hello there. It's been quite awhile since I last drop by huh? Hehe.. I'm fine thank you.. or maybe just a little stress. Okok... you got me there. Hehe!! Today I had no class due to.. err... I don't know the reason yet but I'll ask my class advisor tomorrow morning. *sigh* I really don't feel like goin to school tomorrow... why must there be no school today instead of tomorrow? I even asked my mum if I can just stay home and expect her to scold or somethin but instead she ask me whether was I serious bout it. Hehe...Been playin dragonica non-stop for the remain week till today. Damn tired and it makes me feel like I got no life. true I guess. I got nothin to do with noone to ask out with either. If I have the time, I'll post some screen shots of some of the bosses that I fought with and damn, they sure will piss you off if you aren't careful while tryin to defeat them. Wow... the monitor screen really looks different. That' because I'm usin my dad's PC monitor for a while. It's good for games too! Love the videos that is being played when I play some of my video games. Hehe.. Big screen mah. I'm plannin to support this great game, Dragonica, that I'm playin by occasionally buyin the cash cards to buy some in-game items and accessories. Just for fun and to save some golds in the game for pots. But I don't wanna call this game as my life like some gamers do when they are too into one particular game. So yea, you don't have to worry bout that part.I wonder what am I goin to do tomorrow... 7 of July... It's here... finally... I was so eagerly waitin for this day to arrive last year as it marks... ah damn... stupid eyes... sorry bout that. It marks the beginnin of the most beautiful thing in my life. But now... I feel weightless in this atmospheric world of mine... as if no gravity of joy and relief is pullin to the ground as I drift across the air of despair and sadness... Just kiddin!! I ain't that sad. Really! The tears in my eyes? OH!! Err... those are.. dust! Yea dust!! Hey! My mum falls for it so you should too! Hehe.. Yea, I am sad but just a little to say coz the rest is deep inside. I just hope noone is worried coz, hmm... why ah? Oh! Well, since worryin only is pointless because there's nothin can be done at the moment. I feel like gettin somethin for myself tomorrow to celebrate this solo anniversary of mine since my baby is no longer with me. It does hurt and kinda stupid to be buyin somethin for yourself and sayin, "happy anniversary!!" to yourself but hey, my stupidity has no end.Any other suggestions? My handphone is on the whole day so if others wanna meet me I don't mind. DOn't worry, I won't be botherin any one of the people who will be meetin me later with a sad face. I'll just try my best to put an honest smile on this horrid face of mine. Hehe... my self confidence is long gone, I think around a few months ago? Hehe.. I can still joke bout it. Hehe... you not laughin? Guess it's not funny huh? Oh well... If everythin goes well, I think I'll be meetin Kel later on. Gotta put a strong face tomorrow Naz! *Puff cheek* I know I can coz I got a rubber face talent!One last before I end for today, do you ever thought that somewhere out there, someone or angels or God or the Devil or maybe all three is watchin you right now and laughin at you? I feel that way currently. Laughin at me for being an idiot, for being pathetic, seekin and lookin for somethin aimlessly, breakin down once too often for no apparent reason, hopin for miracles to happen, persistent, afraid amd just plain stupid and hopeless. I don't know why I feel that why but yea, that's how I feel though. Maybe God is like thinkin that this boy (me) is prayin to him to help me but I am so confused and doin things that brings me away from what I wished and prayed for and not opening my mouth to say any words to that person, not even a word of appreciation. Yea... He should be laughin at me for doin the opposite and runnin away while he is, maybe, tryin to help me. The Dev should be laughin at me coz I am just too entertainin to observe. A human that is trapped in an comedy of sin and confusion. Maybe he is thinkin, "I don't need to influence this boy. What he is doin to himself is too much that I don't even need to give him a little push to go crazy or confused and away for what he wants. Ahaha.."Then for the angels, maybe they are laughin at me for wishin for that angel to come back while I am just a mere human with no rights. With such being, which angel would fall for him and wishin is all he is capable of? But that is what I thought of only. For others case, hmm... maybe they are thinkin, "hell with this guy? Too pathetic I'd say! Ahahaha!! Did you take a look at that face of him? Lookin all so pitiful~ Oh look! He is runnin away again! Ahahaha!! Where you goin little boy? Lost your mother? Ahahaha!!" Yea... this is the kind of thoughts that I am havin... maybe I'm just too pathetic to be a man huh? Let alone, being a normal human. Sometimes I wonder why am I not like some typical boys and men out there. No girls no cry. Lose one? Can find antoher one. Snap my fingers and ten will come to me. This world is like an ocean filled with many fishes. Don't like one? Catch another. Lose a girl and can't forget that part so soon like the next day. But I'm not like that... should I be happy for being different than normal guys?All I know is that I am similar to my old group. Heart and mind alike. This is what that makes me different and I can counter those words above. No girls? Of course no cry coz I don't fall for girls. I fall for a girl and not girls. Once you lose somethin precious, it may take a long time to recover it back or you not be able to at all. Why do I want to snap my fingers to call ten girls and why do I need that much? I only love one out of millions. This world may be like a vast ocean but I'm not fishin for fishes, I'm searchin for a mermaid in this beautiful ocean y swimmin and not fishin. I will always have memories of events that took place in this world, be it good or bad and if you true cherish someone, you will never forget that person no matter the time. I guess I shud be happy huh? At times, I wish I was all of those people in my old group. That includes her too. Being strong headed and mature like Lalah. Able to make decisions and stick with it. Being calm, happy and handsome like Hamster. Takin things show and steady. Being as blur yet calm and able to analyse things like Chick. Able to look into situations correctly and making right decisions and calm. Being carefree at times, cool headed, easy going, patient and mature like Kelvin. Able to take things easy and doing things to bring your mind away from stuff and telling yourself, "don't worry so much. Things will get better so there's no need to worry. Just take it easy." Being cute, at times harsh and strict, patience ad loving like Yat. Able to make firm decisions and be confident bout yourself whil being cute at it. And lastly, being cheerful, sweet, confident, playful, sociable, strong headed and loving like CR. Like a sunshine that brightens up people's day the moment they look at her and her sweet smile while being playful and sociable to entertain and play with your friends. I guess I am like the bottom one if being compared by looks, personality and attitude. Hehe...I'll end here for now. Gettin sleepy. See ya... (can I just like... die tomorrow or somethin and come back alive the next day?)
posted at 11:31 PM
